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Post by KYU-SIK MOON on Apr 30, 2014 16:07:30 GMT -8
I will not fall, once more I'm called. Time comes for all...
June 22nd
tag | Donovan
words | 618 | Life was a very strange thing. Though he was a very thoughtful boy, his busy life had been admittedly simple. He had very rarely stepped back to examine any philosophical views of what life was other than he just had to live it. Now, though, he was really thinking about it. It was a very strange fleeting sort of thing that guaranteed nothing. One day you’re leading a fairly unextraordinary life, the next day that life is over at the hands of someone you considered a friend. Kyu-Sik nearly cringed at his own thoughts. His eyes glanced over to the man walking beside him.
If his own life wasn’t already completely derailed, it was about to be. He had lived a very average life himself. He had dreams and goals that he had only just been willing to pick up again, but they didn’t seem to mean much of anything any more. His past was calling him to abandon his current life for his previous one. The current pinnacle of that could be found in an old friend asking him to take the life a new friend. And he knew he couldn’t refuse. He couldn’t and he knew that he wouldn’t have even if he could. It was hard, but he had always been the dutiful and obedient sort, no matter what that meant. Despite any emotional hangups he may have been suppressing, he had an idea of what could have happened to more than just Donovan if he did not follow through.
The past few weeks were an odd series of events. He had been reunited with an old friend. Not really the sort that you could introduce to your parents. Not like Donovan at all. Much more aggressive than anyone he had ever known, though never towards him. The reunion helped him learn more about who he really was. Regardless of what that meant, he was happy. His heart had swelled with an odd sense of joy and relief. However, it was a friendship that came with responsibility. Kyu-Sik was tasked with helping Chaos find his voice. And then… a request was made that did bring him some hesitance. He had to reclaim a certain dagger and use it on the one who now held on to it. That was Donovan.
But he couldn’t say no.
Kyu-Sik avoided him for quite some time before finally gaining the courage to do what needed to be done. After finally picking up the phone and asking him out at a weird time of night, he decided to drive him out somewhere secluded. That’s how they now found themselves walking on an empty beach. No one would find them there at that time of night. The young man was dutiful and also very thorough. He would not be caught. Not yet, at least. It helped to know you had a powerful presence on your side.
Although he tried not to act suspiciously while he abused the trust of a friend, he had difficulty trying to keep up an actual conversation. His thoughts were spinning to the extent that small talk was the best he could do. Even then, when there was a pause in their talking, he wasn’t sure how to continue. When both of them fell silent for a moment, he slowed to a stop and glanced up at the moon. A sigh escaped his lips.
“You know, I almost didn’t think you would come here with me when I asked,” he admitted, finally breaking the silence between them. “Sorry I didn’t call you sooner.” He half wondered if maybe he should have tried to see him more before now, but it wouldn’t have made it easier. |
electric has gangnam style and back to neverland
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Post by DONOVAN SHEPHERD on Apr 30, 2014 16:17:46 GMT -8
HOLD YOUR BREATH AND COUNT TO TEN The lack of communication from Kyu-Sik over the last couple weeks wasn't entirely unnoticed, but not a major source of worry for Donovan. He had much more going on, didn't want to spread his capacity for worrying too thin. His apartment had been all but emptied out in the wake of his roommate's departure, bringing into stark relief how little was actually his own in the first place. The entire acoustics of the apartment had changed, the living room echoing oddly and unfamiliarly that Donovan tried to suppress any sound as he walked through it. Even if he could find some way to afford staying there on his own, he wouldn't want to bear the imprints of long-gone furniture left in the carpet. What few pieces of furniture that remained, he sold to strangers who bartered him down to painfully cheap prices. He didn't have the motivation to seek out more potential buyers that could spare him a few bucks more. Saving money eating cheap noodles, the cash was enough combined with his recent paycheck to cover a deposit and a couple month's rent on a new place if he could find one, options all considerably smaller and in far less nice parts of town. And he was okay with that, not too particular about his standard of living as long as he had a bed to call his own. Donovan wasn't much of an optimist, but he preferred to think of this stripping down as a reminder of what was important. He'd survived much worse and with much less. He was curled up on his mattress now left without a frame and trying to sleep to keep his mind from wandering into any dark corners he'd been backing himself into lately, when he received the call. Anybody else he would have ignored it, but after not hearing a word for so long... If he looked like he dressed in the dark, it was because he had, very little care about his appearance in a rush to be ready and not wanting to keep Kyu-Sik waiting. Whatever he had in mind, whatever emergencies he imagined, it wasn't the beach. But the sense of urgency seemed to fade when there didn't seem to be any immediate problem. He left his shoes by the car, enjoying the feel of cool grains of sand between his toes. It was almost enough to forget that there must have been a purpose to why Kyu-Sik wanted to see him. The conversation seemed to avoid it for as long as possible. He knew it couldn't be as simple as a desire for company, though he couldn't help but think that there was a touch of romanticism about the starry sky and the expanse of dark water. Maybe tonight he could express what he'd been feeling, although whenever his mind tried to string together the words, his mouth refused to say them. "You made a promise to me," Donovan reminded instead, studying him with a thoughtful smile. "What kind of friend would I be if I didn't return it?" It didn't really matter the reason, he decided, glad to prove his willingness to be there. "I figured you've been busy." He understood the need for space and didn't read into the silence as anything more than that, wasn't clingy enough to expect daily contact from somebody who was just a friend. WORDS:### TAGS:Kyu-Sik NOTES:Keep em short
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Post by KYU-SIK MOON on Apr 30, 2014 16:22:35 GMT -8
I will not fall, once more I'm called. Time comes for all...
June 22nd
tag | Donovan
words | 325 | Though his eyes drifted back to Donovan, he avoided making eye contact. A moment later and he turned them to the sea instead. He wanted to return the sentiment and that smile. He really did. However, he couldn’t even bring himself to fake one. “I… don’t think I can keep that promise anymore.” The least he could do was be honest. He respected Donovan enough for that. He had cared about him enough for that. He was a friend and he wasn’t going to stab him in the back. Some weird logic in his brain wanted the other man to really understand what he was going to do before he did it.
“If I don’t keep myself busy the world finds ways to make me that way. Something very important came up and I’m not in a position to ignore it,” he explained. He hesitated to continue. Was that too formal? Was there any other way to put it? When he went over the statement again in his head, he knew that he must have sounded like an employer about to let someone go. And… well, he was letting someone go and then some.
The pause probably wasn’t as long as Kyu-Sik thought it was. He took in a quiet deep breath and tried to think of what else to say. No amount of rehearsing it in his head had helped prepare him. For a split second he struggled with his decision internally. He could’ve turned back and tried again another day. However, that wouldn’t have made it easier. He wasn’t the type to put off his duties, even when it was something like this. Then again, perhaps it was something that shouldn’t just be up to him.
“We need to talk. There’s a lot that I need to tell you and it’s going to take awhile. If… tonight isn’t a good time, it can wait. But it can’t wait for long.”
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electric has gangnam style and back to neverland
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Post by DONOVAN SHEPHERD on Apr 30, 2014 16:24:31 GMT -8
HOLD YOUR BREATH AND COUNT TO TEN Thoughts derailed quicker than Donovan could piece them together, a hundred awkward love confessions crumbling into hopeless debris before he had the chance to let out a shuddering exhale. Worded tactfully didn't change the knowing that nothing Kyu-Sik said following the broken promise would be any less painful. And even worse, he knew there would be nothing he could say to have any influence over the outcome. Even without Kyu-Sik saying as much, Donovan could hear the proclamation that it was over louder than the man's attempts at what he assumed was to make him understand. He once thought that he'd become immune to disappointment, had accepted it so fully into his life that it'd never have a chance to catch him by surprise. Yet there it was, clawing a pit deep into his stomach that he wished to crawl into and not have to face the dismantling of the only thing he'd thought he had left. Damn did he feel like a fool. Kyu-Sik had an entire life outside of their friendship- a job and a family and many more things that required his responsibility. Donovan wouldn't have dared rank himself anywhere of importance, but he'd been hopeful that maybe one day he could have meant a bit more. Closing his eyes, Donovan concentrated on nothing more than breathing in and out. "It was unfair of me to expect... to hold you to..." Donovan shook his head, wishing it hadn't meant so much to him as it had. "I never meant to get in the way of... whatever's so important." He had always tried to avoid imposing himself where he wasn't wanted, but could admit that he'd been eager to take up as much time of Kyu-Sik's that he could get away with over the last few weeks. Really, he should had seen this coming, suddenly feeling quite disgusted at himself for having thought he could rely on somebody else with so little to offer in return. He wondered how pathetic he must appear in the other's eyes, refusing to even glance over at him to find out. "No time is a good time to be rejected," he shook his head, knowing that prolonging this would just cause more suffering than he'd be able to handle. "I'm sure whatever reasons you have are well thought out and necessary. So if this is it, I rather just skip that bit where you go into too much detail of why." He'd heard every unforgivable wrong about himself in the past through many different voices, had scratched every sin into clenched and bloodied palms. Hearing it from Kyu-Sik too would be far too much, and he wanted to maintain some composure. WORDS:### TAGS:Kyu-Sik NOTES:Keep em short
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Post by KYU-SIK MOON on Apr 30, 2014 16:25:32 GMT -8
I will not fall, once more I'm called. Time comes for all...
June 22nd
tag | Donovan
words | 357 | Anything that Kyu-Sik thought he was going to continue with after asking if now was a good time was immediately dropped from his mind with Donovan’s reaction. His brow uncharacteristically knitted in a moment of confusion, his eyes finally looking for the other male’s. If one was being fair then, no, he was not the person that could be turned to when it came to understanding how friendships worked. He didn’t do well with emotional responses. Donovan’s was hardly that and it was still throwing Kyu-Sik off. The guilt he was desperately trying to repress was seeping out again, as he knew it was because the other didn’t understand the actual situation.
“No, that’s not—” Kyu-Sik found himself sputtering out before he stopped himself. He knew in the end that he was just trying to make right something that wasn’t right to begin with. The boy didn’t remember ever questioning a duty so much as he was this one, and that’s why he needed Donovan to understand. It made him realize that perhaps his motivations in wanting to explain himself were more selfish in the end, but he that’s what he needed for this. “I’m not rejecting you. I didn’t ask for it to be this way. I had been lonely for… a very long time. I could have lived that way for much longer, but I made that promise in the first place because I thought maybe I didn’t have to. It was nice having a friend for once. But I’m not the person you think I am. I’m not even the person I thought I was… And I can’t be that person anymore.”
He drifted off, a hand idly reaching for his tattooed shoulder before falling back to his side. His expression fell to a softened frown. “I need to explain this to you, because I think you might be the only human who can understand it.” Talking animals aside, Donovan had become his closest human friend apart from his sister. And that meant something. But where to even begin?
“Donovan, I know why all of the strange things are happening.” |
electric has gangnam style and back to neverland
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Post by DONOVAN SHEPHERD on Apr 30, 2014 16:28:51 GMT -8
HOLD YOUR BREATH AND COUNT TO TEN That small crack in Kyu-Sik's eloquence was enough for Donovan to consider the possibility this was more than it first seemed, although his guard remained high with arms tightly folded over his chest. It was all he had to hold onto, to hide the trembling of his hands. The hint that Kyu-Sik wasn't happy about whatever was going on caused him hesitation, finding sympathy on the other's behalf where he no longer could for himself. Maybe it was unfair to assume this had anything to do with him other than the dissolution of what little they had, but he owed Kyu-Sik enough to listen, trying not to prematurely fill in the blanks with his own paranoia. He'd listen, even if this was leading to how there was nothing either of them could do in spite of it. Not when Kyu-Sik seemed to already accept it, made the choices he implied he didn't really have. He wanted this to be over quickly, but not as much as he wanted this moment to never end. That he'd likely never see the other man's face again, he finally allowed himself to gaze upon it, his own features locked into a thinly veneered neutrality as he searched for evidence of what kind of person Kyu-Sik apparently was. A person he apparently couldn't see, something lurking under his moonlit skin. One that had no room for him in his life despite claims of his ability to understand. The emphasis of human sending a slight chill through him. Donovan didn't want to understand, desperately wanted to wrap himself in denial. "If you know..." Donovan began, not liking where his thoughts were leading. "But you won't... can't help." In, out. Slowly in, he counted down from 5, and then out again. Each breath was strained around his desire to scream. "You have something to do with it?" he asked warily, because Kyu-Sik seemed like some sort of magnet for the unexplainable, even before they had met. Was it more than luck that had left him unscathed? WORDS:### TAGS:Kyu-Sik NOTES:Keep em short
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Post by KYU-SIK MOON on Apr 30, 2014 16:31:01 GMT -8
I will not fall, once more I'm called. Time comes for all...
June 22nd
tag | Donovan
words | 450 | “I do,” he answered, though as vacant of emotion as he could make it, it was without hesitation this time. “Some of it anyway. I certainly had nothing to do with man-eating snakes or ghosts in the park, and I had no idea what was even happening until I ran into an old friend.” He wasn’t going to lie when he felt some responsibility about even past events he had no way of controlling. In hindsight he wished he could have done something, but saying he just didn’t know felt like an excuse now. Even if it couldn’t be helped. Even if he still couldn’t do much.
Kyu-Sik took a deep breath of his own. Were it any other person, he knew that he couldn’t have been able to say anything. He was about to tell secrets that no one should have been told. Secrets that normally needed to be kept for the sake of his own life. However, this was someone he trusted and someone who wouldn’t have the opportunity to speak of them later. “It was a long time ago. A very… very long time ago, I was someone else. It’s hard to explain it, but in another life I was the religious leader of a society whom dedicated themselves to a god known as Fate. My job was to act as a link between Fate and its people.”
That was the quick summary of it all, at least when it came to who he really was. It was the nicer way of saying he was the pope of a cult, since he wasn’t going to call himself a pope and he wasn’t going to call it a cult. Not that he knew too much himself yet. When he thought about it, Donovan was probably the last person who wanted to hear anything about religion. But for Kyu-Sik, it did seem like a different matter than Christianity. He could verify the religion he lead as genuine without having to argue scriptures that lacked proof. Though talk of reincarnation must have sounded just as crazy.
“I’m not sure how else to explain it, I just…” He paused, but then tapped deliberately tapped his shoulder with the tattoo he knew Donovan had seen. “This just appeared one morning, but in that past it was my promise to my duties. I learned that earlier this month, but I didn’t want it to get in the way…” Of his normal life? Of their friendship? He could’ve made a list, but he refrained from continuing there. His dark eyes turned back to the sand, and he quietly waiting to see how Donovan was taking all of this in. |
electric has gangnam style and back to neverland
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Post by DONOVAN SHEPHERD on Apr 30, 2014 16:31:33 GMT -8
HOLD YOUR BREATH AND COUNT TO TEN Just a few short weeks before, Donovan had been listening to that same voice in the same patient tones explain the scientific exhibits that amazed Donovan as much as the elementary students around them. It was a stark contrast to what he was being told now which he doubted would be supported in any sort of museum, and yet Kyu-Sik seemed just as certain. Just as certain as his father had been when expressing his beliefs in the righteousness of heaven and the hell he was destined for. Just as certain as his roommate that argued quite gleefully about the existence of nothing beyond. Donovan really had no idea what to believe, but he never imagined that it was talk about reincarnation and Fate he'd having to take seriously. Anybody else and he'd think this was an elaborate lie or odd prank, or the ramblings of somebody with a questionable grasp on reality. But it was Kyu-Sik, one of the few people he'd allowed himself to trust not to lie to him. He wasn't going to question the man's sanity. That didn't make it any easier to accept, trying to reconcile it with what limited understanding of the world he had. Donovan swallowed hard. "Oh," he managed, at a loss for what else he was expected to add. "And I'd just be in the way of... all that, is that it?" WORDS:### TAGS:Kyu-Sik NOTES:Keep em short
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Post by KYU-SIK MOON on Apr 30, 2014 16:33:32 GMT -8
I will not fall, once more I'm called. Time comes for all...
June 22nd
tag | Donovan
words | 298 | Kyu-Sik had expected doubt at the least. He didn’t look up. Not just yet. There was a slight uneasiness in the other man’s voice, but there was no question about whether or not he was lying about the whole mess. It was a relief to him to not have to go further to prove himself. He didn’t need to draw any unwanted attention, or call for newly discovered old friends. The shock of having to talk to a demon dog wouldn’t have been a good supplement to their conversation.
Plus, he wanted to keep it between them. As much as this was a scenario occurring due to things he could not control, he couldn’t help but feel as if this was a personal matter. This was, after all, someone he cared about. He was treading carefully, but he wanted Donovan to know that.
“It’s not quite that you’re in the way. I would have told you sooner if I had known it would be like this… I was being irresponsible, and I'm sorry for that,” the Korean male said, not hesitating to take the blame for the matter even though his choices were limited to begin with. He had to be careful from now on. That was something Donovan deserved, but didn’t receive. “Honestly, I’m not even sure if living at home after this is wise anymore. I really don’t want it to be this way, but I…”
Another pause. His eyes drifted up to Donovan’s curls and then he took a moment to study his features, wondering what he was catching on to. Without much left to say to explain himself, he found him reiterating. “I’m not in a position to ignore this. I know better than to refuse what’s been asked of me.” |
electric has gangnam style and back to neverland
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Post by DONOVAN SHEPHERD on Apr 30, 2014 16:35:03 GMT -8
HOLD YOUR BREATH AND COUNT TO TEN "And what exactly has been asked of you?" an edge had crept into his voice, eyes no longer seeking escape just past the man but focusing in challengingly. He wanted to demand just how long Kyu-Sik had known any of this was going on, but he understood the need for secrecy and not wanting him involved. Though he thought he'd come to know the other boy quite well, there was a difference between expressing fears of growing apart from siblings or disappointments in not getting into special schools, and the sort of thing that got you accused of being in a brain-washing cult. He laughed at the awful irony of it, because he thought all this time he'd been the one from a history of crazed fundamentalists, and now Kyu-Sik was apparently some sort of leader of another religion that probably wanted nothing to do with him. Donovan clenched his teeth, couldn't believe this was a pattern in his life that he couldn't escape. There was a growing feeling that Kyu-Sik's apology and honesty about the situation was a red flag that something was more wrong than he could quite pin down. Kyu-Sik wasn't the type to be so careless with his secrets. That was the kind of information that nobody was supposed to have, unless you intended to keep them close. And he already had the impression that wasn't the case, that it was the entirely wrong tone for any attempt at recruitment. He'd greeted enough missionaries at the door to know this wasn't the script for conversion. "Your god," Donovan tried to say it respectfully, because it didn't matter if there was a truth behind it when the matter was only how strongly the belief influenced Kyu-Sik's actions. His own belief in whether or not Kyu-Sik was delusional or divine had absolutely no bearing, so he refused to come to any conclusions. "Doesn't want you having new friends, then. Am I some kind of dirty influence?" He took a step closer. "Does your god think I'm a filthy harlot too? Unworthy of your holy presence?" WORDS:### TAGS:Kyu-Sik NOTES:Keep em short
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Post by KYU-SIK MOON on Apr 30, 2014 16:35:49 GMT -8
I will not fall, once more I'm called. Time comes for all...
June 22nd
tag | Donovan
words | 246 | He wanted to tell him to stop, the man’s words making something in his stomach churn. His eyes fell again, unable to keep contact for too long while trying to hold his tongue. Donovan had every right to seem upset. His tone might not have come across as such, but Kyu-Sik heard it in his words. All he could do was shake his head slowly. “You’re wonderful,” he finally said, the words nearly dying in his throat before they snuck out, knowing that wasn’t fair to say. It wasn’t fair for either of them. But he had enjoyed Donovan’s company more than any other stranger’s. He was willing to listening and not think him crazy, just as he was now. It had been nice having a friend who would stand by him, even if their time together was to be cut short.
“That’s not what matters right now. As I understand it so far, this is all my fault, not because of what you are. It’s… more of what you have. I should have seen it sooner. I should’ve remembered.” In an effort to maintain his resolve and control himself, he placed his hands together at his stomach and straightened his posture. Not to look imposing so much as it was an attempt to regain his composure.
“You have something that belongs to me. I don’t know who sent it to you, but that dagger you have is mine. I need it back.” |
electric has gangnam style and back to neverland
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Post by DONOVAN SHEPHERD on Apr 30, 2014 16:38:11 GMT -8
HOLD YOUR BREATH AND COUNT TO TEN It would have been easier to be met with the insults he'd pushed for. But the unexpected praise was disarming, and Donovan struggled to know what to do with it. He didn't feel wonderful, not in this moment or ever. In any other context between them, he would have taken it as encouragement. Now it was salt in the wound, and left him without any motivation to argue. He'd long since made it a policy that nobody was worth fighting for if you were clearly not worth it in return. It didn't matter how highly Kyu-Sik thought of him, if something else ranked higher. He couldn't compete with the calling of a god, imagined or real. Donovan hesitated before slipping his bag off his shoulders to retrieve the dagger that he'd carried everywhere for safety at Kyu-Sik's suggestion, wondering if it was more than twisted luck that it had saved his life before. Everything had seemed slightly off about the weapon since the moment he received it, remembered Kyu-Sik's assessment that they were better off selling it. Part of him wished they had. Questioning the validity of ownership wasn't really an option, and Donovan carefully pulled it out of the zipper pouch. His bookbag dropped into the sand beside him. If he learned anything at all over the years, it was that good things were never his to have. He was reluctant to let go of something that was equally cursed and blessed, but the only piece of the other man he had left. He wasn't handing it over quite yet, quietly admiring the relic that he used to dig up dirt. The sacrilege horrified him almost as much as it amused him, wondering what would happen if he tossed it out into the ocean. But after everything Kyu-Sik had done for him, he couldn't. Complicit, he offered it by the blade, allowing easy grasp of the handle. There was probably some proper ritual for handling the dagger, religions always found curious ways of dictating simple tasks. "Is that all you need?" WORDS:### TAGS:Kyu-Sik NOTES:Keep em short
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Post by KYU-SIK MOON on Apr 30, 2014 16:39:10 GMT -8
I will not fall, once more I'm called. Time comes for all...
June 22nd
tag | Donovan
words | 248 | Kyu-Sik half-hoped that Donovan had forgotten to bring it, but he knew that the man had kept it with him ever since that day in the park. Though he wouldn’t have done it now, a morbid part of him did wonder how much they could have sold it for that day at the pawn shop. It was a rather gaudy tool, made for him by a society that respected him. A tool he had apparently used to prove his obedience to that same society. A tool used to prove their devotion to their god. Having a life at your hands was never easy. Some enjoyed the power, but Kyu-Sik dealt with it silently, modestly. He hadn’t asked for it. But he wasn’t going to be anything but grateful for everything he had been given. He had to be a leader. An example. He knew all too well that those who wouldn't be examples when asked were made into examples.
His breath quietly hitched when his fingers wrapped around the dagger’s handle. He took it with a reluctance, not eager for what was to come next. He knew he would never be ready, but he had to be.
He had to be. “No,” he answered in a whisper.
Any sort of emotion that could have been read on him seeped from his body, from his face, from his breath, from his voice. For him, it seemed the air was holding still. “You can’t come back with me.” |
electric has gangnam style and back to neverland
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Post by DONOVAN SHEPHERD on Apr 30, 2014 16:44:39 GMT -8
HOLD YOUR BREATH AND COUNT TO TEN "I guess it would make for an awkward ride," Donovan clung to the only interpretation that allowed him to still manage a bashful attempt at a smile. "It's fine," he insisted through his denial, ignoring every burning instinct to run when he doubted how far it'd even get him. "I know how to walk home, and it's a nice night. The kind of night I had hoped to tell you that I loved you."He closed his eyes tightly so he wouldn't have to see any look of disgust, sure the other wouldn't be too receptive of such a confession. While he hated how he'd been too much of a coward to say anything sooner, it really wouldn't have made any difference to the outcome. Thoughts of taking things slowly had seemed ideal up until the moment time had run out. It wasn't any attempt to appeal to the man to somehow change his mind. Love was what led him into this mess, he was hardly going to rely on it to save him. But he was allowed to be selfish at least once. One last heartbreak for the road. WORDS:### TAGS:Kyu-Sik NOTES:Keep em short
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Post by KYU-SIK MOON on Apr 30, 2014 16:46:44 GMT -8
I will not fall, once more I'm called. Time comes for all...
June 22nd
tag | Donovan
words | 300 | Had the situation been different, this was the part that he might have thought was a joke. He felt his heart skip a beat and break in two almost simultaneously. Love hadn’t been on his mind. He hadn’t even thought about it. But…
That just wasn’t fair. He knew that he deserved that. His grip on his blade nearly faltered and his breath quivered as he tried to continue concealing his emotions. He was failing very quickly and once again came the rare moment where his expression probably said it all. It figured that he hadn’t noticed it sooner, not that it could have changed anything. This was the way things were meant to be. This was the situation they were trapped in.
“Donovan, I—” As soon as he began in a restrained desperation, he stopped himself. Kyu-Sik wanted to say it, too, at that moment. That he did love him. But he had already been cruel enough, hadn’t he? “Donovan, you can’t go home either. You can’t leave here. I’m so sorry. I didn’t—” He paused again. The fight to control unfamiliar emotions was making him feel sick. That’s all he could describe it as. His mouth was momentarily covered by his free hand until he felt ready enough to proceed.
“I know that if I don’t do this, something worse will follow you. This is the only way I can save you. This is the only mercy I can offer. I—” He stepped forward and reached out for Donovan's wrist, the right words fleeting from him. When had his mentality become so warped? Logic had led him to that point days before and now it seemed he was letting his emotions get the better of his words. How could he not? He was only human. |
electric has gangnam style and back to neverland
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Post by DONOVAN SHEPHERD on Apr 30, 2014 16:49:56 GMT -8
HOLD YOUR BREATH AND COUNT TO TEN Donovan never had much of an inclination for suicide so much as a neglect for the quality of his life, but listening to Kyu-Sik it was easy to convince himself that the other was right. That this was the easy way out, the promise of worse making escape only a delay. He didn't want to die, his heart beating rapidly in attempt to prove it was still working, but he was far too tired to do anything but give in. Allowing the other man to take hold of his wrist, Donovan closed the remaining distance between them with a stumble, seeking out the last warmth and comfort he'd ever know. It was almost preferable to the visions he had of dying completely alone. He never suffered any pretenses in thinking his was of a healthy mindset, knowing any other cornered animal would lash out in any attempt to survive. But he had nothing else to lose, and nothing left to win. No hope for anything to ever be better again. "I don't want to die with regrets," he whispered weakly, knowing he was in little position to make requests. He had no special requirements for what was to be done with his body, whether tossed out to sea or left for the scorching sun and hungry sea birds to destroy. There were no pets to look after, relatives he cared to give notice to. He tried to block out how right they had been, how he could have avoided this damnation if only he'd married that girl and led an appropriate life. They'd feel righteous if they knew. But there was one thing left he wanted, because he'd read ghosts were created by those who couldn't let go of such regrets. He would have dismissed it as superstition if he hadn't witnessed it firsthand, terrified of becoming something so eternally consumed with misery. That's why he had to be okay. "If my death means more to you than my life," Donovan began slowly, trembling, wanting to make sure he was ready to commit fully to what came next. "Then I'll offer it to you, in exchange for one thing." WORDS:### TAGS:Kyu-Sik NOTES:Keep em short
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Post by KYU-SIK MOON on Apr 30, 2014 16:51:21 GMT -8
I will not fall, once more I'm called. Time comes for all...
June 22nd
tag | Donovan
words | 216 | Donovan was using words that he had cautiously avoided himself. ‘Die’ and ‘death’. Words that had been too hard for him to say if he was to maintain control over the situation. To maintain control over himself. Kyu-Sik only gave a small nod at the idea not dying with regrets. He wasn’t going to lie when he wasn’t sure what difference it would make, but he deserved a final request. That was the least he could to do as the one taking his life from him.
Something inside of him almost wanted to argue that his death didn’t mean more to him than this life. He wanted to argue that he was wrong, remind him once again that he didn’t want to do what he was about to do. But how many times could you really keep saying you didn’t want to do it and then still do it anyway. What it came down to was that he was going to take that dagger to him. No amount of guilt or remorse would have him turn back.
“What do you need?” Kyu-Sik asked, quietly breathing in the last of that strange mixture of clean laundry and baking. It was doubtful that the smell of comfort was to bring him any in the future. |
electric has gangnam style and back to neverland
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Post by DONOVAN SHEPHERD on Apr 30, 2014 16:51:50 GMT -8
HOLD YOUR BREATH AND COUNT TO TEN To keep down the clawing panic, Donovan concentrated on the details that made the world not seem like such an awful place. The soft breeze from the water, the grit of the sand clinging to his bare feet, listening to every exhale between them as if it was the last song he'd ever hear. Everything around him was calm, and he used that to keep steady. He cataloged every feature of the man as if he'd have any use for the memory later. The soft slope of Kyu-Sik's nose and the sharp cut of his eyes that revealed a dark abyss he wanted to drown in. A gentle hand cupped the other man's jaw, avoiding any movements that might be considered an attack. He didn't want to go out fighting the one thing he held dear. Didn't want Kyu-Sik's last memories of him to be of a wretched creature overcome with fear and desperation. "Just a kiss," he suggested with no shyness that would have accompanied such a request if this story had been any different. "I want to know... what it would have been like." He held back for the other man to deny or initiate, unwilling to take if it wasn't his to have. WORDS:### TAGS:Kyu-Sik NOTES:Keep em short
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Post by KYU-SIK MOON on Apr 30, 2014 16:57:30 GMT -8
I will not fall, once more I'm called. Time comes for all...
June 22nd
tag | Donovan
words | 268 | He fought off a flinch at the unfamiliar sort of touch, ever-so-slightly leaning his head into the touch a moment later. Though he had been avoiding eye contact throughout their conversation, he finally returned the man’s gaze, trying to read whatever thoughts Donovan may have had through his green eyes. Otherwise he held still all the way until the final request was made.
Kyu-Sik didn’t say anything. There was nothing more to say. Almost confused, the vicious mix of emotions that were brewing inside of him seemed to suffocate themselves, leaving him feeling hollow. He would not refuse the request. He wouldn’t dare. Not now. It was an unexpected scenario for a first kiss. Especially when it was a first kiss he hadn’t even considered as on the table before that moment. He wasn’t sure what to feel, but it wasn’t about how he felt. It was about Donovan.
It was unpracticed and probably too uncertain. Imperfect and certainly inexperienced. Still, he slowly leaned forward, gently pressing his lips against the other man’s. He never thought of himself as being attracted to men, but he had never been attracted to anyone, really. But perhaps, if the situation had been different then…
He pressed a hand gently, but firmly at the back of Donovan’s shoulder, the other hand still waiting at his side with an idle dagger. As reluctantly as all of his movements had been, he finally broke away from the kiss. Feeling strange hollowness made it difficult to fight off the wetness forming in his eyes. “I’m sorry,” he repeated one last time in a whisper. |
electric has gangnam style and back to neverland
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Post by DONOVAN SHEPHERD on Apr 30, 2014 16:59:51 GMT -8
HOLD YOUR BREATH AND COUNT TO TEN Trying to keep the kiss as sweet and tender as a first without tainting it with the bitterness of a last, Donovan communicated every last ounce of feeling he could. He wanted no secrets to drag down with him to the grave, freely revealed everything he tried so hard to keep hidden in the past. Maybe it was a cruel thing to do, but neither had the benefit of being spared from the truth anymore. In that brief moment where everything else slipped away, he imagined all the duets they would have played together, lunches he would have packed for Kyu-Sik and a daughter they could have adopted. No harm now indulging in a fantasy of what kind of future they could have built together, too upset with reality to let it take part. They could have been happy. When it finished, Donovan no longer felt afraid, wiping away the tears from Kyu-Sik's eyes before they could properly fall. "I forgive you," he promised, another brief brush of lips to seal it. In acceptance of his fate, he lightly wrapped his fingers around the hand holding the dagger and squeezed encouragingly, wanted Kyu-Sik to have no doubts of his consent. "There are a thousand different ways I would have died for you." WORDS:### TAGS:Kyu-Sik NOTES:Keep em short
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