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Post by DONOVAN SHEPHERD on Nov 15, 2013 6:35:09 GMT -8
It brought up the question that Donovan wasn't exactly sure how old Kyu-Sik was, and he looked about the same age as his sister, but he wasn't willing to venture a guess. As little as Donovan knew about the standard education system, he knew the other boy had to be at least over 17. Right? He hoped anyway, otherwise thinking he was cute was probably a bit creepy. "Avoiding?" he asked with some confusion, unable to really understand why somebody would avoid something they seemed to actually enjoy.
"Oh, sorry. I thought you liked playing it," he frowned at his assumption, not sure how he came to the wrong conclusion when it seemed Kyu-Sik had been passionate about the subject of music. But he supposed it would have been awkward to request a duet anyway. Donovan had been playing piano since he was quite young, but after Altan's criticisms whenever he tried to play when he was around, he was resigned to the fact he probably wasn't up to any impressive standard. He could play the notes, handle even more complicated pieces, but maybe it just didn't sound good to anyone but himself. And Altan's opinion as a member of the LA Philharmonic carried more weight than his own perception, didn't it? It'd probably be frustrating for any skilled player to play alongside him. "That's too bad."
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Post by KYU-SIK MOON on Nov 15, 2013 6:53:19 GMT -8
Today won’t come again. At some point, the time has already...
May 24th
tag | Donovan
words | 396 | He sighed and kept his eyes turned towards the plates that went by them. This was definitely going to need cake. "I really did," he admitted. He did like playing the flute. He liked music and he liked being able to produce that himself with his instruments. He liked the hours of practice, the ridiculous obligations, and then hearing what all that hard work became in the end. That was all the more reason why he was avoiding it now.
Donovan had admitted more than he probably wanted to earlier, and Kyu-Sik felt like all of his previous conversations that month had led to this moment. It just kept coming back to his flute. It always did roll around in his mind. Perhaps this was an opportunity to be more honest with himself with someone who was certainly in no place to roll their eyes at him the way his twin sister did. It wasn't really that big of a deal, was it? It was nothing like Donovan's tale.
"I had applied to Juilliard and I didn't get in. I haven't played it since then." It was so simple compared to running away from an overly religious home. In fact, he probably should have felt privileged to even find that one failure so disastrously bad. It almost seemed weird to think of it as something heavy after that. But his rejection wasn't the only reason it was a big deal to him. In the end, it was the concept as a whole. "I set my aim too high back then and I haven't turned back to it. I guess…"
Another pause. He straightened himself in his seat and finally looked back at the man across the table. How could he even really explain it? "Sometimes you can do everything right and still fail. I did everything I could. I practiced for hours everyday and they told me that my technique was perfect. I just wasn't what they were looking for. I still sit down and try to figure out what I could've done differently, but there's nothing." His eyes lowered a bit. There, he said it to someone. Finally. And it came out sounding ridiculous to him even still. Logically, he knew that, but it wasn't a matter of logic. "It's hard to want to pick it up again if I'm just going to keep failing." |
electric has gangnam style and back to neverland
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Post by DONOVAN SHEPHERD on Nov 15, 2013 7:31:03 GMT -8
At first, Donovan wasn't quite sure what a Julliard was or what applying to one meant, even though it sounded somewhat familiar, but as Kyu-Sik's explanation continued... he remembered his roommate's drunken ramblings, the diploma hanging proudly on the wall. Julliard. A musical school, always spoken about with such importance, as if it alone validated anyone as a musician. Maybe it was a sign of his lack of education for Donovan never to regard it or any school all that highly. He really had no context for why anybody would be so set on a single school. "Oh... is that the only school for playing the flute?" he asked, trying to understand what had the other so hurt about it.
"Failure is inevitable," he frowned, because it was meant to be comforting but came off far more discouraging than it sounded in his mind. He meant it was something everybody experienced, that it wasn't Kyu-Sik alone that had failed so it was okay. It was always how Donovan managed to get by, had accepted that he wasn't likely to ever get much of what he wanted out of life. Instead of sulking about it, he'd found it rather freeing. No pressure or expectations. No fear of failure allowed him to pursue things in whichever way he wanted. "I mean... yes, that's... There's far more people doing their best, all working for the same thing, than there are opportunities. If you did your best, then you can't fault yourself. But giving up on something you love never gets you anywhere." And that last part sounded particularly harsh and insulting, out before he had sense to stop it. "Damn, I'm sorry. I'll shut up. That's hypocritical of me." Because he'd run away from plenty that he claimed to have loved.
He took a sip of the miso, glad it had finally cooled. "I'm sure you'll find a time when you're inspired to play again."
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Post by KYU-SIK MOON on Nov 15, 2013 8:27:01 GMT -8
Today won’t come again. At some point, the time has already...
May 24th
tag | Donovan
words | 316 | That was a blunt answer that left Kyu-Sik unable to respond for a moment. People failed. They did. Many people. However, to think of it as completely inevitable seemed to be what really hit him. That was perhaps part of what had been eating away at him. There wasn't a point it could never succeed, right? The concept of disregarding failure completely was foreign to him. He knew people lived that way, sure, but it was difficult to really process himself.
The way Donovan was putting it at least made some sense to him. He had given up something he loved in the face of the failure, and he knew that he was regretting it now. He had just gone for nearly a year refusing to admit that. "It's alright," he assured, not offended by what Donovan was saying so much as he was having difficulty accepting it.
"Juilliard isn't the only school, just the best one. Their acceptance rate is low, I shouldn't have expected so much. It just seemed perfect at the time. It was New York and Mi-Ho agreed to go with me." It did just seem perfect, it really would have been perfect to him. It would've been a lot of hard work, sure, but there wouldn't be the same schism between him and his sister. He'd still be doing something he loved and he wouldn't have lost his inspiration. "People keep telling me that I'll be inspired again eventually. I miss it, and maybe that should've been enough. But--" He was being stubborn. He couldn't just do something without shooting for some sort of goal. What reason could he really give?
"I don't know." Kyu-Sik shrugged. Finally the cake went by. He nearly missed it as he was starting to ignore anything he saw out of the corner of his eyes, but now it was there in front of them. |
electric has gangnam style and back to neverland
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Post by DONOVAN SHEPHERD on Nov 15, 2013 9:28:40 GMT -8
In a lot of ways, Kyu-Sik's troubles were so foreign to him, they were almost impossible to relate to. There had never been a time that he'd put all of his effort into achieving one thing, so he couldn't imagine what it was like to fail. Maybe he was just lucky to be used to failing that it hardly fazed him at all.
"So if you can't have the best, then nothing else is good enough?" Donovan asked lightly, tone free of accusation but the implication was there. "What was wrong with the other schools?" It just didn't make sense to him, why anybody would limit their options so severely that one setback had him sulking for that long. Dropping everything. But then again, it was hypocritical. He had actively avoided anything close to a relationship since Owen, that he wasn't sure he'd be able to manage one if he even tried.
"I guess I was never taught what it was like to have dreams of my own, just to be happy with what I had," he shrugged, stealing a small bit of the strange-looking wedge of cake Kyu-Sik had snagged and quickly determining he could make better. "I wish I had half your ambition. At least you applied. I've never even been to a school."
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Post by KYU-SIK MOON on Nov 15, 2013 10:05:46 GMT -8
Today won’t come again. At some point, the time has already...
May 24th
tag | Donovan
words | 300 | He used his chopsticks to cut the wedge of cake in a clearer half for them. After eating so much sushi, he wasn't sure if he could eat the whole piece. It was just nice to have at the end of a meal for once. However, not even a bite of it could bring a smile back on his face. He wasn't quite frowning, but he was silent for a moment. His thoughts were still stirring, but he knew he couldn't just sit without a reply for too long.
"Obviously, ambition doesn't always make you happy," Kyu-Sik confessed. "My whole life I've just been told that if I work hard for something then I can achieve it. It hasn't gotten me much of anywhere, but I can't seem to turn that off. The rest of the world seems happy enough just to get by, but I can't stand the idea that this could be it." That was probably the biggest concession he had made in years, but the words finally snuck out. He caught himself biting his lip as he said it. He was remaining as calm as ever through the words, but he needed a pause.
Kyu-Sik reached for his cup of water, drinking a fair amount to wash away the overly sweet after tastes of the cake. He hadn't even thought to avoid offending Donovan in that. He was a man who had escaped the worst and seemed content enough just to live what seemed to be a fairly simple life now. "It's selfish of me to say something like that. Sorry."
Then began the attempts to somehow rectify the possible mistake that the insensitive boy may have made in his choice of words. "Would you want to apply to school even while thinking that failure is inevitable?" |
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Post by DONOVAN SHEPHERD on Nov 15, 2013 21:26:01 GMT -8
Cake usually signaled the end of a meal, and Donovan sighed in relief. Not because he wanted this to be over, although the conversation had been exhausting and he'd need a long time to recover after, but he was growing concerned with how much more Kyu-Sik would manage to eat. Between the two of them the stack of plates was more than he anticipated, hadn't planned to eat all that much himself, except Kyu-Sik seemed insistent on making him try far more than he'd been willing otherwise. But he wasn't too worried, might have to ask for a couple dollars if he came up short, and he felt a bit bad since he promised to pay. But Kyu-Sik would hopefully be understanding. He finished the last few bites of cake, already determined to find an opportunity to bake a superior one for the other man.
"I don't think it's the ambition that's a hindrance, in your case," Donovan speculated, knowing it really wasn't his place to do so. But Kyu-Sik had offered his criticisms quite openly, so there really wasn't any need to hold back. "It's only a failure because you defined it as one, and you're letting that blind you to what you actually achieved. They said you were perfect, but not what they were looking for. Then find somewhere that's looking for you." That seemed the most obvious solution to Donovan, because he didn't see the point in trying to fit in anywhere you weren't wanted nor needed. "Why throw away all of your talent and hard work?"
He was more than plenty happy with just getting by, wasn't even going to deny it. But he couldn't really claim that his method had brought about anything great for himself either. "I've never actually considered it," Donovan replied quite honestly, didn't even know if there was any subject he'd be able to pursue. "I wouldn't be able to afford it, and I doubt they have low enough level classes to offer to somebody who's never even been inside a school before."
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Post by KYU-SIK MOON on Nov 15, 2013 23:44:39 GMT -8
Today won’t come again. At some point, the time has already...
May 24th
tag | Donovan
words | 327 | Kyu-Sik slowly nodded. He was good at what he did and he had taken a lot of pride in that. Maybe that pride alone was what had put him in such a slump now. He had always known that failure was a possibility. He just really thought that if he did his best things would work out. In that sense failure seemed like an understated fear that was always lurking over him in everything he did. It was a concern he tried to avoid, and it hit him hard when it happened. Everyone around him seemed to offer him the same sort of advice. He needed to let it go and just do what he enjoyed regardless. It just wasn't as easy for him as it was for other people. It was easy to say and easy for him to consider, but it wasn't so easy just to get over the matter. But maybe…
"You're right," he agreed. His tone wasn't letting it show, but it hadn't been easy for him to say. He had heard just try to get into the school again. He had kindly been given sheet music. He wanted to play again. There wasn't an excuse for him not to, even if he was worried about any failures that might happen in the future. In the end, he had to just face what he was afraid of and pull the instrument from its shelf. At least if he did that much he couldn't say he had just given up.
The young man shook his head, temporarily passing the subject to give himself more time to sort out the issue internally. That was the best way he knew to handle problems. Instead, he gave Donovan a curious glance. He had been homeschooled apparently, which meant certain requirements had to be met. However, if Donovan was a runaway then Kyu-Sik realized he might not have finished his high school education. "Do you have your GED?" |
electric has gangnam style and back to neverland
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Post by DONOVAN SHEPHERD on Nov 16, 2013 2:02:04 GMT -8
Maybe it wasn't original advice, but there really wasn't anything else he could offer, couldn't phrase it any differently. He was sure that Kyu-Sik had heard an echo of the same plenty of times before, but clearly it hadn't made any difference. "Just give it a try, what's the worst that can happen?" he tried encouraging, but knew it wasn't helpful to push. All Kyu-Sik could really do was get over it, and he just had to work that out on his own in his own time.
Finishing off the rest of the water in his cup, Donovan gave the other boy a clear look of confusion. "A what?" Homeschooling came with some rather loose standards in a low-population farming state with a history of conservative distrust of the government's interference. His father had been decently educated, had went to college and received a degree in law, but he didn't seem too interested in allowing the same for any of his children. The world is too full of lies they were told, unquestionably believed their father knew best. So he did he best to teach what he knew to his siblings, spent a lot of time making sure they could read and do math, but otherwise his education was far below what anybody else would consider standard. "I don't want to embarrass myself with how little I know," he frowned. The few textbooks he had for history and science, half the pages were missing.
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Post by KYU-SIK MOON on Nov 16, 2013 2:37:51 GMT -8
Today won’t come again. At some point, the time has already...
May 24th
tag | Donovan
words | 194 | Did he really not know what a GED was? He now knew the reason why Donovan was so unskilled, but having a GED was sort of important to a workplace. It was a standard benchmark that employers ask about. Kyu-Sik would have assumed that he at least heard about it when applying at the flower shop or the radio station. The only way he could have gotten around never knowing about what it was would be to pass it or take a guess and lie. "The GED is the test you need to take to prove you had a high school level education."
As he was still mulling over his own problems, he didn't want to assert any more of his opinions. Instead, he was just going to let Donovan know about his options so that the man at least knew what was available. "If you took your GED test then you could get into a community college. It's not as expensive in California as it is in some other places." Kyu-Sik took Donovan finishing his water as the cue to flag someone down for their check. He figured that they were both finished.
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electric has gangnam style and back to neverland
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Post by DONOVAN SHEPHERD on Nov 16, 2013 2:53:30 GMT -8
"Oh," Donovan shrugged at the simple explanation. "I don't, though." He wasn't even really sure of what he didn't know, but he could only estimate that it wasn't anywhere close meeting whatever score he'd have to make. "I'm sure there's options if I were inclined, but I don't even know what I'd like to study. I don't think I'd want to be anything like a doctor, or a lawyer, or a businessman." Nothing seemed all that appealing to him, not all that realistic given the limits of his abilities even with the appropriate education. And cheaper still didn't mean cheap, and there was already an entire list of things he was still trying to save money for. A college education seemed less of a necessity, he was doing fine without it.
A smiling waitress approached the table, politely inquired about their satisfaction with their meal, before tallying up the plates. Donovan had noticed that there had been different colours, but didn't realize that they actually meant something. And as he accepted the check and she indicated the direction of the register for when he was ready to pay, Donovan thanked her before looking down at the total.
Oh. Dear god. Could that be right? Donovan continued to stare, as if the numbers would somehow make more sense to him the longer he looked at it.
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Post by KYU-SIK MOON on Nov 16, 2013 3:28:54 GMT -8
Today won’t come again. At some point, the time has already...
May 24th
tag | Donovan
words | 166 | "Well, if you decide what you want to do, maybe you'll have more ambition to go through with it." Donovan spoke of his lack of ambition, but Kyu-Sik couldn't help but think that it sounded more like a lack of direction. In Donovan's defense, he couldn't really see the man as a doctor or a lawyer. He certainly couldn't be a businessman either. It wasn't really his business to say more than he had, so he let that be the end of it.
The waitress came soon after he had waved and gave Donovan the bill. And then he waited while Donovan stared at it. And waited. He was about to stand up, but something was clearly off. What was off, he wasn't sure. However, pairing their conversation with Donovan's expression at their check was troubling. He offered to pay for lunch, and Kyu-Sik hadn't worried about how much he was eating because of that. The price might have been a bit steep. "Is something wrong?"
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electric has gangnam style and back to neverland
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Post by DONOVAN SHEPHERD on Nov 16, 2013 3:53:51 GMT -8
Donovan opened his mouth to give any sort of response, then closed it again because he had none. He really wanted to say that nothing was the matter, to save whatever amount of pride he had left, but... sometimes pretending things didn't exist didn't make them go away. Not having enough money to cover the meal was one of them. Yet he had said he would pay for it, and even though Donovan wasn't somebody who made too much of a habit of being responsible or reliable, it was that one time he really wished he could have been more capable of not coming off like a fuck up. Especially after trying to convince himself and Kyu-Sik that he was perfectly fine. As if his self-esteem needed another blow. As if Kyu-Sik had to constantly see him at his worst.
"But it's just fish," he protested his disbelief quietly, avoiding Kyu-Sik's gaze as he tried not to sink down in his seat. "Good fish, but they're so tiny. I can buy a can of tuna for..." and realizing he was rambling, Donovan immediately shut up. "I might be a bit... a lot short on cash," he admitted reluctantly. Maybe he really needed a second job, but he just couldn't find anything he qualified for.
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Post by KYU-SIK MOON on Nov 16, 2013 5:29:33 GMT -8
Today won’t come again. At some point, the time has already...
May 24th
tag | Donovan
words | 186 | Free dinner after a day of food poisoning? He should've known that it was too good to be true. Thankfully for Donovan, Kyu-Sik was always prepared for the worst. He had not come without his debit card in his wallet and between two jobs and knitting he had enough in his checking account to definitely cover the worst. He sighed, leaning over and plucking the check from Donovan's hands.
He was bypassing the explanation that they were eating considerably better cuts of fish than the ones chopped up and placed in a can. "I'll get it then. But you still owe me lunch one day." A considerably cheaper meal if Donovan was ever going to afford anything apparently. He looked over and decided that the price was actually pretty reasonable considering how much they ate. He had seen worse bills.
With that, he took his satchel from the back of his chair and slung it over his shoulder. He was ready to go if the other man was. "Are you ready to go? We can just head straight to the shop from here if you'd like." |
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Post by DONOVAN SHEPHERD on Nov 16, 2013 7:07:16 GMT -8
"Sorry. Maybe I can cook for you, instead," Donovan offered hopefully, wanting to avoid overpriced restaurants for awhile so he could finally save up enough to replace his bike. It was a cheaper alternative, and there was no way he could mess that up the way he seemed to with everything else. "That's actually something I can do, unlike Louisa." Maybe Kyu-Sik was distrustful of homemade food now, because of whatever Louisa did to that poor lumpy stew that had made him so violently ill, but Donovan refused to let that be his last impression. He'd have to find a time that his roommate was out for the weekend, but it was better than having anyone over while he was there.
Expecting for Kyu-Sik to express annoyance at having to pay, Donovan was relieved that he covered the bill without any insults directed his way. They left the restaurant, and for once Donovan could appreciate the convenience of knowing somebody that had a car. Glad not to be the one behind the wheel this time, he was quiet for most of the ride to the shop. He was used to far more temperamental people, who wouldn't have handled any of this quite so well. It was an attractive quality, a steadiness that Donovan found himself drawn to. There were a lot of things about Kyu-Sik that made him easy to be around, that made him want to continue to be around him.
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Post by KYU-SIK MOON on Nov 16, 2013 7:46:05 GMT -8
Today won’t come again. At some point, the time has already...
May 24th
tag | Donovan
words | 202 | Admittedly, the idea of home cooked food from one of the radio station people didn't sound that great after getting food poisoning at their picnic. He had a strong hunch that Louisa's stew was the culprit, though, so he decided to give Donovan the benefit of the doubt. When the offer was given, Kyu-Sik gave a nod of agreement and then went to pay the bill. It was fine, he figured. He didn't mind paying for a good meal, and that was exactly what he needed after being so sick to his stomach. The company wasn't terrible either.
He drove Donovan back to their shop later and shoved some Debussy and Bolling in his direction. It was another bill that he decided to take care of, but he decided with hesitation that it was also money well spent. Music really was a big part of his life, and everything was telling him that perhaps he had given up too soon. After hearing Donovan play a bit on the piano in the shop, they parted ways. After nearly a year of neglecting his own instrument, it was also the night he finally pulled his flute out again.
Perhaps things would start looking up. |
electric has gangnam style and back to neverland
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REITGERTE
Staff Mod
WANT TO MAKE A CONTRACT?
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Posts: 524
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Post by REITGERTE on Nov 21, 2013 8:39:09 GMT -8
| | | Finished Thread
You have been rewarded with two residue as this thread is now complete. It has been placed in the archives under the 'finished' sub-board. You are more than welcome to PM fate if this thread is not finished or if you are unhappy/unsatisfied with the amount of residue that has been rewarded. Keep up the great work and keep posting with other members.
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