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Post by JULIETTE DUBOIS on May 27, 2013 5:51:07 GMT -8
She was alone in a dimly lit room, the single light hanging from the ceiling flickering in and out of life and sending shadows dancing across the walls, even though the room was empty save for her and the chair she was sitting in. She gripped the armrests tightly, eyes wide as she waited in anticipation for whatever was coming. Something was coming, she could feel it, but she didn't know what or who it was; all she could do was wait in the pressing silence.
A door creaked open and closed shut with a click behind her, and she twisted her neck around to see who it was. Her mouth went dry, and in that instant the only thing she wanted to do was walk out of that room as quickly as she could. But for whatever reason, she was trapped in her seat, unable to move as she watched her parents walk across the room to stand before her. Their faces were blank, and they looked older since the last time she had seen them. There were wrinkles around their eyes and mouths that weren't there before. She stared right back at them, not daring to make a sound.
It didn't last long.
"What do you want?" She asked in a flat tone, hating herself for the slightly shaking in her voice, the way her eyes pricked with tears as she stared at them, waiting for them to say or do something other than stand there. They didn't seem to hear her, but then her dad opened his mouth. "Why did you leave us?" She frowned up at him, confusion clouding her mind as she fought to understand his question. He hadn't cared when she left- no one had. Why now? And besides, they had left first. They had left a long time ago.
But for whatever reason, she couldn't say anything in her defense. She opened her mouth to speak, but no words came out. Her throat was a constricted mess, and she could barely breathe, nevermind speak. And her parents were still staring at her, like she was an object in a museaum or an animal in a zoo, rather than their daughter. "Why did you leave?" Her mom asked her now, almost in a whisper, as the light flickering overhead casted shadows across her face. Again, Julie tried to answer her, tried to speak, but nothing came out of her mouth, not a word. She could barely see past her tears now, but she wasn't going to cry, not in front of them. She'd rather die than show them any weakness, show them how much they affected her-
Her heart nearly stopped, however, when they moved aside and Colin was standing behind them. She might as well have been a stranger to him though, with the way he was staring at her with glazed over eyes. Whatever relief she might have felt at the sight of him was gone in an instant, and the overwhelimg urge to cry was growing by the second as they stared at each other. She wanted to ask him why he was with her parents, why he was siding with them, but nothing could get past her throat. She was trapped and couldn't say or do anything at all.
The worst part, however, was when they all began to walk away. They walked right past her without so much as a glance, filing one by one out the door they had entered through. Colin was the last to leave, and right before he did he turned around one last time.
"good night."
And with that same soft smile he had given her so many times before, he closed the door shut, the light finally going out and the darkness swallowing her whole as she screamed for him to come back.
please
don't
leave
me.
She shot awake with a jolt, clutching her shirt in her fists as she gasped for air. Darkdarkdark why was it dark she needed light she needed light why was it dark whywhywhywhy-- she fumbled for the lamp beside the bed, the bright light flooding the room and throwing everything into sharp relief. Wide, panicked green eyes shot from one object to the next, from the door to the laptop to the stirring figure beside her. For the first time since she woke up she could hear her heart beating as it thumped against her chest, and she let out the breath she had been holding, a shudder creeping up her spine as she doubled over herself. With her forehead pressed to her knees she raised trembling fingers to her face, feeling the tears tracking down her cheeks as she took another shuddering gasp for air. A dream- no, a nightmare. But it was over now, she was okay, she was awake and alive and she wasn't alone, not anymore.
She couldn't stop the shaking though, nor the tears as they leaked out of her eyes and stained the sheets she had clasped to her chest like a lifeline. She hadn't had a nightmare like that in a long time, not since she had first moved to LA. She had had a few small ones, sure, but never any that made her wake up crying like this.
Well, so much for fixing her sleep schedule.
__________________________
2nd May 2012, 3:00 am
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Post by COLIN COX on May 27, 2013 11:02:06 GMT -8
Some days, Colin couldn't help but wonder whether he would wake up to discover that he'd been living in a dream.
Seven years ago, he would never have imagined that his life would have turned around the way it had; that he would be in Los Angeles, that he would be on a scholarship, that he would be with anyone at all, let alone a girl like the one he had. Admittedly, the bleak picture of the future that he'd painted for himself as a fourteen-year-old had been a tad melodramatic. But even at this age, some days, he woke up in the morning and smiled, just smiled for no reason in particular as his eyes adjusted to the sunlight, the smell of Julie's shampoo lingering in the space between his body and hers. The past two years had been the first time that he was actually happy rather than content, been satisfied with his life for an extended period of time since he had been a child, ten years old and laughing with his siblings as they chased each other round and around their backyard.
And some nights after he and Julie had bid one another their final goodnights at five in the morning, as his head hit his pillow for the last time that night, he couldn't help but wonder sometimes whether it was too good to be true. Reality stung, reality bit, and reality had the power to clench it by the jaws and snatch it away-- but he wouldn't let it. Because for now he was content, happy to linger in the space between being awake and dreaming, and he would fight tooth and nail to protect himself, and her. To attribute Julie as the cause of this newfound confidence and new lease on life would be yet another fairytale cliche, one that he hated to invoke, a trope beaten and bruised into its grave. You were supposed to save yourself, he knew, were supposed to find your own happy ending, but he couldn't help but feel that it had been because of her that he had even begun to try. She had been his second chance, his lifeline, the proverbial kick in the ass that he'd needed to fix himself, and she meant more to him than she could ever hope to know.
It was more than he had ever asked for to be able to wake up next to her every morning, and even if he wasn't good at saying the words the feelings he had ran deeper than anyone could hope to explain. He wasn't one for tall orders or promises he couldn't hope to fulfill-- no, his actions would speak more than talk ever could. Take that night, for example, when he felt a stirring beside him in his sleep. Colin groaned, shielding his eyes with his right hand to block out the sudden burst of light. Light browns squinted as they opened involuntarily, trying to adjust to the glare; they fell on a fuzzy figure next to him as he realised that his girlfriend had woken from sleep. Grabbing his glasses from the windowsill, Colin put them on, bringing his world into focus, and it was then when he saw that Julie was shaking.
"W- what's wrong?"
Immediately, he edged closer towards his girlfriend, wrapping an arm around her shoulder and pulling her closer towards him. "A- are you okay?" No, that was a stupid question. Of course she wasn't okay. She wouldn't be shaking like this if she was, and he felt completely helpless for a moment before shaking himself out of it. No, he could help, he had to make things better, it was the least he could do for her after all that she had done for him.
"It's okay. I'm here."
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Post by JULIETTE DUBOIS on May 27, 2013 13:38:10 GMT -8
The images from her nightmare were flitting through her mind, and she rubbed her knuckles against her eyes, as if in an attempt to erase the memories. She hadn't thought she'd ever see her parents' faces again, not since she left New York, but now here they were in her dreams. Wasn't that just bullshit. It wasn't just them though; everything in that nightmare had been terrifying. The inability to speak, being left alone, the dark--- Julie sucked in a breath, trying to control the trembling to no avail. It was just a dream and she was already awake, so she should have been over it by now. She definitely shouldn't have been crying anymore, that's for sure. This was too frustrating.
She didn't notice Colin sitting up beside her until he was shifting closer to her, wrapping his arm around her and pulling her into him. Without thinking, she leaned in closer to him, burying her face in his shoulder and letting out a light sigh of relief. With most people, she would have tried to cover up her tears, would have flinched away from his touch and moved to the couch. But it was different with Colin, it always had been. She was comfortable enough to let him see her like this; with her walls down, shaking and cry at 3 am.
"Nightmare," she mumbled, eyes squeezed shut as she concentrated solely on keeping the tremor from her voice, "But I'm fine." She said that, but it was clear she wasn't. She was anything but fine, not with the way she was still shaking. She smiled weakly as she muttered, quietly, "Sorry for waking you up." She doubted this is what he had signed up for when he agreed to move in with her, but it wasn't like she was doing this every night. The image of him closing the door behind him and leaving her alone suddenly flashed across her vision again, and she moved closer to him, rubbing the tear tracks off her face and taking another deep, shuddering breath. Gently, she reached up and touched his face, as if reassuring herself that he was really there.
please don't leave.
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Post by COLIN COX on May 27, 2013 15:33:39 GMT -8
The blonde bit his lip as he watched his girlfriend attempt to defend herself, try to shrug what had happened off and act like this was all okay. But she wasn't all right, she wasn't okay, and it was plainly clear that this hadn't just been another run-of-the-mill nightmare; it had been a lot worse. He could tell from the way she was shaking, from the way her voice trembled, from the way her normally bright green eyes were wide with fear and terror. Then she buried her head in his shoulder and apologised, actually apologised, and a wrenching sensation wormed its way from his stomach, spreading across his insides and taking hold of his heart.
"No you aren't," he chided gently, pulling her tightly in towards him, wrapping his arms around her so that she could feel safe, feel secure. He closed his eyes as he rested his head on top of hers, and for a while the two of them just remained there, her shaking and him holding her as tightly as he could, refusing to let go. Colin rocked her from side to side, hoping that he could at least provide her with some sort of comfort in a moment like this. He knew just how much she hated feeling insecure, hated feeling out of control when it came to her emotions, and for her to break down like this must have meant that she was feeling absolutely mortified. The blonde pressed his lips against her forehead in a kiss, before leaning in to whisper into her ear.
"Don't be sorry. Don't worry, don't worry, I'm here, it's over, it'll be all right--" A litany of reassurances fell from his lips as he continued to hug her tightly, not wanting to let go until the shaking ceased. It hurt him to watch her like this, but that was what he was here for. To catch her when she fell like she had done so many times for him in the past. He would protect her with every fibre of his being: after all, she was his lover, his best friend, his everything. Colin pulled himself away from his whisper, his arms still remaining wrapped around her, locking light browns with greens as he spoke in a normal tone, firm, reassuring, certain.
"You're safe now: I'm not going anywhere."
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Post by JULIETTE DUBOIS on May 27, 2013 18:12:24 GMT -8
"Yeah, I'm not." She agreed softly, her eyes closed as another shiver traveled up her spine. To be able to admit that out loud showed just how far she had come; it used to be that 'I'm fine' was her biggest lie, the one she lived and stood by for most of her life. If you tell yourself something often enough even you begin to believe it, even if you're only lying to yourself, and that's exactly what she had done. She used to delude herself and the people around her into thinking she was perfectly alright, when in reality she had been a broken mess. To be able to admit to herself, never mind someone else, that she was less than perfect, was a step in the right direction to her.
And if she hadn't been so desperate for that reassurance that he was there, she might have complained that he was going to kill her, via death by asphyxiation. She closed her eyes and just focused on controlling her breathing as he held her tightly, rocking her back and forth like she was a child. Which was exactly what she felt like right now, a kid that woke up crying in the middle of the night from a nightmare and peed her pants. Not that she had peed her pants or anything, but you get the idea: she was acting childish and stupid.
Which was actually the best thing in the world- at least, to Julie it was. Was it bad that she liked this? There was a lingering feeling of shame, sure, but her unease with showing her true emotions around Colin had long since disappeared years ago. She had come to trust him so completely that she could act this way and not fear him chastising her, or treating her any differently just because she let him see how weak she could be. Julie had come to learn that as hard as you might try, you couldn't be strong all the time, as much as you might like to. You could pretend otherwise, sure, but there came a time when you had to accept that you did need help sometimes.
The fact that she had someone that she could be weak with never ceased to amaze her though; that she could tell him her greatest fears and worries, and he only answered her with understanding and reassurance. She had had to grow up a little to fast, had to build a stone wall to protect herself from everyone else, but as much as she might hate it, she still needed other people. It was so nice, however, not having to deal with everything by herself. To not have to wake up alone and scared, with nothing but the glow of the light at her bedside to keep her company. She needed others- she needed Colin, and there was nothing to be ashamed of in admitting that. In so many ways, Julie was still very much a kid at heart, but wasn't everyone?
The corner of her mouth quirked up when he kissed her on the forehead, before he leaned in close to whisper in her ear. His voice wrapped around her like a warm blanket, and her body relaxed against his as he told her, no, promised her that that it would be all right. She knew it would, of course it would, there was nothing to be afraid of anymore. Slowly, little-by-little, the shaking began to stop, her breathing calmed down, and her heart was no longer threatening to beat itself out of her chest. He pulled away to meet her eyes and she offered him a small, genuine smile in reply. "I know. I-I know. It was just a dream."
Of course he would know that one of her worst fears was of being alone; of letting someone into her heart and her life and then having them walk out of both like it had never happened. She knew Colin would never do that though, not without good reason, which made the nightmare so much worse. He was right here with her right now; she had nothing to be afraid of. And yet her bottom lip began to tremble so hard she had to bite it; she pressed her face back into his shirt, reassuring herself once again that she was home. "Thankyou."
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Post by COLIN COX on May 28, 2013 3:12:58 GMT -8
He remembered when he had first met her, when he had been a boy lost in his own sea of thoughts and she had seemed like an ideal, a dream, a princess in a castle too far away for him to claim. Of course he had developed a crush on her from the very beginning. But he soon came to realise that he hadn't set his sights on her, but an ideal of her. That was only human nature, after all, and he had known it to be so, taking the time to get to know her, to learn her story, to share a part of himself with her the way she had done with him. And then he had fallen in love with Julie herself. He had known she wasn't infallible from early in their friendship: the Internet had facilitated that, both of them hiding under a veil of anonymity to tell each other their deepest secrets, their darkest dreams.
Though it was easy for him to develop crushes, it was difficult for him to truly fall, so when he had he'd felt like he was being shoved, being yanked downwards by both her hands out of his tower of glass. By the time they had met in real life and seen each others' faces for the first time he had had the audacity to feel as though he was the only one who actually knew her, just as though she was the only one who had access to the deepest corners of his soul. She'd captured his heart, and a few meetings later he had unknowingly managed to do the same for hers. She'd been out of his league, too good for him, everything he could never hope to obtain: or so he had thought, until he slowly came to realise that she was just as human as he was.
Most of all, she had shown him that he deserved to be loved, that he deserved to be happy, and he wanted to at least give her something back. This was the least he could do for her, after all she had done for him. So he smiled back in response to her, just glad to know that she was okay, that she was feeling better, that she knew that this was just a dream. There were no more walls, no more pretences between the two of them: it was just him and her, stripped down to their rawest forms, where they were allowed to be sad and vulnerable and broken and all the things that they hadn't wanted to admit to being when they were young. There was no shame in admitting that something was wrong, and he was glad that they'd both realised it, and admitted it to each other. She pressed her head into his chest, and he rested his on hers, wrapping himself around her like a blanket of protection. If he couldn't chase away her demons, then at least he would be there to shield her.
"Don't worry about it," he said. There was nothing to fear-- she was out of the dream world and back in his arms. "Do you want to talk about it, or do you just want to stay here until you feel better?" He had a class at nine in the morning the next day, but it could go suck a dick. There were more important things than 15th century literature, much as he would never admit it out loud. His girlfriend's wellbeing came as a priority, and call him stupid or crazy but he was pretty certain that he had his priorities sorted out just fine.
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Post by JULIETTE DUBOIS on May 28, 2013 5:54:09 GMT -8
But he didn't have to do anything else for her, didn't have to pay an invisible debt. He had done just as much for her as she had for him, though she may never know just how much he had changed for the better since meeting her. But it was the same for her; she had gone from being a closed off girl who couldn't open up to anyone to who she was today. He had done more than enough just by being there for her like no one else ever had. Where she had had no one before, she now had him, and she couldn't ask for anything more.
He was just as much her everything as she was his.
She took another shaky breath, torn between telling him and keeping it to herself. Of course she trusted him, but the nightmare had included him. And the way he had smiled at her before he closed the door, the sound of his voice right before the lights turned off- it had felt real. She trembled again at the memory, tears pricking the back of her eyes that she quickly rubbed away. Who was she kidding, she could tell him anything. Gone were the days that she had to bottle everything up inside until she felt ready to explode.
It was with a slight tremor in her voice, some shaking in her shoulders, that she recounted her nightmare to him, her tone so soft it was almost like she was whispering. "I was in a room, and... my parents were there. And you were too. You were with them." She paused to swallow down the lump of panic rising in her throat, reminding herself that it wasn't real. None of it was real. It had all been a dream. "And I couldn't move or speak or anything, and then- and then you left me, and the lights went out. I was alone in the dark."
Her voice cracked as she finally finished, the fear in her eyes evident as she glanced up at him. The underlying worry that he was going to poke fun at her fears was small now, but it always seemed to be there, nagging at the back of her mind every time she opened up to him. And every time, Colin had taken that worry and made it unfounded, soothed her and offered her the support and comfort she craved. She loved him more than words could ever hope to describe.
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Post by COLIN COX on May 28, 2013 23:25:56 GMT -8
Soft browns widened with shock as she recounted her nightmare, as she told him what had happened in the palace of her mind and that he had been the one to deal the final blow. That he had been the one to shut the lights out on her, and to whisper good night, good bye, leaving her alone in solitude, left to fend for herself in the dark. He could only imagine the amount of fear, the terror that she had experienced when he'd said that, or at least, the self in his dream had said that-- because if he had been in her shoes, he would have been absolutely livid. Colin didn't take well to being hurt or betrayed, but if somebody as close to him as Julie was had said that, even in a dream... He didn't know what he would have been able to do in response. While he was good at thinking of advice and relaying it to people over the Internet, in real time, talking to people was different. He couldn't just pull a solution out of his hat. So all he managed to do was to take hold of both her hands, look her in the eye, and say--
"I would never leave you that way."
Never was a powerful word, he knew. But even if he died, he would have liked to think that a small part of him would follow her around, right? He knew that he shouldn't have been saying this, shouldn't be making promises he couldn't keep, but he knew that if he could, he would stay. If there was such a thing as a soul, he knew that he'd do his best to remain; if there wasn't there would always be a fragment, a memory, the little things that were his that he'd leave behind. He knew it was probably selfish to want to linger even if something happened to him, but he couldn't help it-- he just wanted to protect her. He wanted to keep her safe.
"It's been two years, almost three... Hasn't it? I'm still here, right? I've got no plans to leave. For one," he smiled, "You wouldn't be able to pay the rent if I did." Colin leaned towards her, their noses almost touching. "For another, I like it here. It's nice." Nice? Was that all he could say in a moment like this? But then again, this was just normal for him, for words to fail when he needed them the most. Julie knew how deeply his feelings ran, though, and he knew that she loved him the way he loved her in return. He didn't have to say any more: all he needed to do was just be here for her, the way she would have been for him in return. That at least he could take comfort in, being her pillar of support when she needed one the most.
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Post by JULIETTE DUBOIS on May 29, 2013 13:51:17 GMT -8
"I know."
And just like she knew he would, he soothed away her fears in just a few words. His very presence was enough to ease the knot in her heart, but the reassurance that, no, he would never do something like that, was a relief after that nightmare. That was all it had been, after all- a nightmare, a bad dream, a cocktail of everything she feared most. It was nowhere near reality though. It was like Colin had said, he'd never leave her like that. It was just her fears manifesting themselves in any way they possibly could. Maybe it was stress?
She smiled in return, closing the space between them and bumping her nose against his. Good thing he wasn't going anywhere, or she'd have to go back to living on campus. And wouldn't that be just peachy, having to share with a roommate she didn't even like all over again. And, ugh, having to stomach cafeteria food and deal with frat boys? No thank you. If Colin ever left she'd have to drag him back kicking and screaming just avoid that awful fate. "It is pretty nice." She agreed, a slight laugh escaping her lips as he spoke.
She knew, of course she knew.
How could she not? She knew it by the way he planned out dates in advance, then picked her up after work or class like it was all spur of the moment. Or when he invited her to his house for Christmas when they had just started dating, just because he knew she'd be alone otherwise. Or the way he spoiled shows for her by telling her which of her favorite characters were going to die, and paid for her dinner when he knew it was her turn to pay, and got into arguements about what movie they were going to watch tonight, because there was no way in hell they were watching another Disney movie, goddamn. And the way he smiled at her- yeah, how could she not know?
Without another word, she slipped her hands out of his and wrapped her arms around his neck, pressing her forehead to his. She didn't say a word at first, not wanting to ruin this moment, just listening to their synced breathing in the quiet of their room. It was so easy to think they were the only two people on earth; to forget that there was anyone else on the planet other than them. The hours between night and day, the space between awake and sleep, that was always going to be their's. She let the seconds draw out as long as possible, before sitting back slightly to meet his eyes. "I love you." She mumbled, offering him a small smile as she found his hands again, lacing her fingers with his. Nothing else mattered except that he was there with her.
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Post by COLIN COX on May 29, 2013 15:26:25 GMT -8
For five minutes, ten, the two of them just sat there hugging, listening to the breathing of the other and hearing each others' hearts thump against their chests. Colin smiled as she bumped her nose against his, a reminder of how she loved him, how she was always going to be there for him the way he was for her. He wondered all the time whether this was too pre-emptive, whether they were moving too fast, but it felt like it was going to be the two of them from here on: like he had already found his soul mate, his best friend, the person he would spend the rest of his life with.
He could only hope that she felt the same way. It was far too soon for them to be talking or thinking about forever but he couldn't help but wonder all the time what it would be like to wake up next to her in ten years, or twenty, or almost every single day for the rest of their lives. Was it too idealistic to build all his hopes and dreams with her in mind, to take her and her wellbeing into consideration when he thought about chasing what he wanted?
It was only recently that he'd developed ambition, direction, some sort of idea as to what he wanted to do with the rest of his life, and the more he thought about it the more he wanted to include her. Would that be selfish to do so? Was he restricting her, holding her back? But she wanted to be there, wanted to be with him, as she had reassured him so many times in the past until she had almost literally slapped it into his face.
"Nice isn't the right word for it," he chuckled as he lay down on the bed, before tugging her downwards so that he could hold her in his arms. He wrapped his arms around her one last time, and then gave her a kiss on her lips as she lay next to him, entangling his legs with hers. The lights would remain on, for that night at least: he might lose some sleep over it but he supposed he could handle. It wasn't as though he was exactly adept at sleeping on time anyway. Besides, he did these things for a reason:
"Love you too."
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BUBBLES
Main Admin  
Scary Little Girl
sociopath
Posts: 97
MINI INFO - D.O.B.: no
MINI INFO - OCCUPATION: no
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Post by BUBBLES on Jun 2, 2013 17:01:52 GMT -8
| [cs=3][atrb=cellSpacing,0,true][atrb=cellPadding,0,true][atrb=border,0,true][atrb=style,padding: 0px; width: 500px; background: transparent url('http://i.imgur.com/JUKLO.png') no-repeat;,true] | | [atrb=width,111][atrb=valign,top][atrb=style,padding-left: 8px; padding-top:3px;] | [atrb=width,76][atrb=valign,top][atrb=style,padding-left: 0px; padding-top:3px;] | [atrb=width,313][atrb=valign,top][atrb=style,padding-left: 0px; padding-top:3px;] | | [cs=3][atrb=valign,top][atrb=style,width: 460px; text-align: center; padding-left: 20px; padding-right: 20px;] FINISHED | [cs=3][atrb=style,width: 460px; text-align: center; padding-left: 20px; padding-right: 20px;]
FATE HAS NOTICED YOUR PRESENCE | [cs=3][atrb=valign,top][atrb=style,width: 450px; text-align: center; padding-left: 25px; padding-right: 25px;]
You have been rewarded with ONE RESIDUE EACH as this thread is now complete. It has been placed in the archives under the 'finished' sub-board. You are more than welcome to PM fate if this thread is not finished or if you are unhappy/unsatisfied with the amount of fate that has been rewarded. Keep up the great work and keep posting with other members. | [cs=3][atrb=valign,top][atrb=style,width: 500px; height: 35px;] |
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