CIVILIAN, WILLIAMS TANGI

Hello Glitchbury! Welcome to TF! I've gone over your app and there are a few things that I would like to have cleared up before this app can be approved.

First of all, please edit the thread title to follow this format: CIVILIAN . LAST NAME, FIRST NAME

Her birth date should also be edited to include a year. Please remember that TF is currently in May of 2012. Her birth year should be based off that day and not the real world time - September of 2013.

The last thing I would like to point out before I get to the actual app, is that I would like you to fix the technical problems with the template. I can see some spacing that is off here and there and the first icon in the app should be resized to fit with the others. (Note: I have been informed that this is a cache problem. Carry on.) Do not despair if code is not your friend. The staff can help take a look at it but it does need to be fixed before Tangi can be accepted.

Okay. I would now like to call your attention to her sexuality. You say that she is asexual bordering on demisexual. Asexual and demisexual are two extremely different preferences. Asexual is the complete absence of attraction towards either sex. Demisexual is the lack of sexual attraction until said person is very emotionally connected to his or her partner. You can be one or the either. You cannot be both.

I'll be honest, some of the words that you have bolded confuse me. I know tat bolding is often done in the personality to emphasize certain character traits but this is the first time that I have seen words being bolded in other areas. It also begs the question why her name is bolded in the appearance and section and why other words that seem pertinent are not.

You write that because she is small, she gets mistaken for being a student. But she is a student, isn't she? You write at the end in history that she's taking courses online at a community college which would give her the status as a student. I believe the descriptor you were looking for might be teenager to show her small stature.

But to be perfectly honest, her weight does not fit her lifestyle. She drinks, she's a glutton, and she stays home all the time unless going out is truly necessary. How is it that she is not overweight at this point?

And I might be reading this incorrectly but are her bloodshot eyes a reference to drug use or is it really because of the chemicals that she works with. I can't be sure though so it would be duly appreciated if you could flesh out the appearance or at least make your descriptions a bit clearer.

Onto the personality. The biggest problem I am seeing is the complete lack of positives in this character. We do appreciate characters that have negatives because it makes them less of a mary-sue Tangi seems to be on the complete opposite end of the scale. She is self deprecating, lacks confidence, and has a lot of the traits that would point to depression. However, we do not see any of her good side. Even the worst people have their positives. What is good about Tangi? What makes her special? To put it bluntly, Tangi seems too one dimensional at the moment. Characters should be balanced with both good and bad traits in order to make for a realistic, believable character. Please add more to her personality so that we can get a better idea of what kind of a person Tangi is.

How does one's personality "takes a nose dive"? A person's personality can change but not so dramatically without reason. Her history seems to show that she has a perfectly fine childhood and preteen years. Why does her personality just suddenly seem to take a drastic turn for the worse?

Why did her parents grow distrustful of her? What did she do to earn their distrust. She didn't seem to have done anything wrong to destroy their trust in her.

And why did she have no support in regards to college. If her parents truly wanted her to succeed and go to college, wouldn't they have helped her with that?

Please make the appropriate changes and post again in the Finished App thread.