CIVILIAN, KASWALA, AALEKH

aalekh
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CIVILIAN, KASWALA, AALEKH Sept 18, 2012 14:52:32 GMT -8

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Post by aalekh on Sept 18, 2012 14:52:32 GMT -8

[atrb=border,0,true][atrb=style,width: 450px; padding: 10px;,bTable][style=margin-right: 5px; height: 100px; width: 100px; -moz-border-radius: 200px; border-radius: 100px; overflow: auto; float: left; overflow: hidden; background-image: url(http://i.imgur.com/VXllH.jpg);][cs=2][/style] [style=margin-bottom: -5px; font-weight: bold; font-family: helvetica; font-size: 35px; letter-spacing: -3px;]AALEKH KASWALA[/style] [style=border-top: 1px dotted #ebebeb; font-family: helvetica; letter-spacing: 2px; font-size: 10px; padding-top: 3px;]KIND . LIGHTHEARTED . LOYAL [/style]
[atrb=vAlign,top][style=margin-top:5px; width: 90px; font-family: georgia; font-size: 10px; text-align: center; font-weight: bold; background-color: #2a2a2a; color: #ebebeb; text-transform: uppercase; padding: 3px;]BASICS[/style]	[atrb=vAlign,top][style=width: 305px; margin-bottom: 10px; text-align: justify; font-family: helvetica; font-size: 10px; padding-left: 5px; border-left: 1px dotted #ebebeb;]AALEKH K KASWALA Aal, Elk, FIFTEEN 03/23/1997 MALE hetero CIVILIAN student [/style]
[atrb=vAlign,top][style=margin-top:5px; width: 90px; font-family: georgia; font-size: 10px; text-align: center; font-weight: bold; background-color: #2a2a2a; color: #ebebeb; text-transform: uppercase; padding: 3px;]PERSONALITY[/style]	[atrb=vAlign,top][style=width: 305px; margin-bottom: 10px; text-align: justify; font-family: helvetica; font-size: 10px; padding-left: 5px; border-left: 1px dotted #ebebeb;]Kind & Loyal Aalekh is a well meaning and very nice kid. He tends to be incredibly loyal and persistent and has an attitude that makes him never give up. At the same time he is calm and prefers to stay on the sideline instead of charging in blindly. He has a very observant nature and tends to read a lot of peoples moves. Despite being calm he hates losing and is pretty competitive and even if friendly and nice he isn't afraid to play dirty and rough people up a bit if need be. One thing for sure is that if a friend is in trouble then he will be there to back them up.[/style]
[atrb=vAlign,top][style=margin-top:5px; width: 90px; font-family: georgia; font-size: 10px; text-align: center; font-weight: bold; background-color: #2a2a2a; color: #ebebeb; text-transform: uppercase; padding: 3px;]HISTORY[/style]	[atrb=vAlign,top][style=width: 305px; margin-bottom: 10px; text-align: justify; font-family: helvetica; font-size: 10px; padding-left: 5px; border-left: 1px dotted #ebebeb;]To know something about Aalekh's heritage you have to know something about his family. His mother; a Japanese martial artist and his father, a runaway. His mother was a martial arts instructor with nothing really special about her but his father was a very interesting man to say the least. Born to an ancient line of warriors and kings. Even though a monarchy didn't exist they stool took their heritage seriously and all young men were trained in fighting and the fine arts. The regime was a hard one and gave no freedom to the people who participated in it. His father eventually ran away to America, he had taken quite a bit of money from his family who really quite wealthy. This is where he stumbled upon his future wife and they hit off pretty well, otherwise they wouldn't really be married and having a kid. Aalekh was born and almost immediately taught 3 languages. His mom taught him Japanese and his father taught him Hindi and English from his american friends. a later age he was taught martial arts from his mother and proficiency in weaponry by his father. This constant training really made him competitive but also disciplined and respectful. School wise he was like any other kid and went to any normal public school. He is currently on the soccer team and plays a plethora of other sports in his free time. He is a straight A student and his family has opened up an antique shop. [/style]
[atrb=vAlign,top][style=margin-top:5px; width: 90px; font-family: georgia; font-size: 10px; text-align: center; font-weight: bold; background-color: #2a2a2a; color: #ebebeb; text-transform: uppercase; padding: 3px;]OOC[/style]	[atrb=vAlign,top][style=width: 305px; margin-bottom: 10px; text-align: justify; font-family: helvetica; font-size: 10px; padding-left: 5px; border-left: 1px dotted #ebebeb;]AALEKH N/A AFFINITIES earth, air and spirit FACE CLAIM KHR . Yamamoto, Takeshi [/style]

[style=font-size: 10px; font-family: georiga; text-align: center; letter-spacing: 3px;]TEMPLATE BY SAMARECARM OF OTE + BTN[/style]

Last Edit: Sept 20, 2012 15:53:04 GMT -8 by aalekh

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CIVILIAN, KASWALA, AALEKH Sept 18, 2012 16:35:33 GMT -8

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Post by F A T E on Sept 18, 2012 16:35:33 GMT -8

[atrb=border,0,true][atrb=style,width: 450px; padding: 10px;,bTable][style=margin-right: 5px; height: 100px; width: 100px; -moz-border-radius: 200px; border-radius: 100px; overflow: auto; float: left; overflow: hidden; background-image: url(http://i.imgur.com/VXllH.jpg);][cs=2]

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[style=margin-bottom: -5px; font-weight: bold; font-family: helvetica; font-size: 35px; letter-spacing: -3px;]REJECTED[/style] [style=border-top: 1px dotted #ebebeb; font-family: helvetica; letter-spacing: 2px; font-size: 10px; padding-top: 3px;]FATE HAS FOUND TOO MANY PROBLEMS[/style]

[atrb=vAlign,top][style=margin-top:5px; width: 90px; font-family: georgia; font-size: 10px; text-align: center; font-weight: bold; background-color: #2a2a2a; color: #ebebeb; text-transform: uppercase; padding: 3px;]REJECTED[/style]

[atrb=vAlign,top][style=width: 305px; margin-bottom: 10px; text-align: justify; font-family: helvetica; font-size: 10px; padding-left: 5px; border-left: 1px dotted #ebebeb;]Welcome to twisted fate. We're very sorry, but Fate has decided to put this character in pending. Looking over this character, there have been too many flaws for us to accept. My first impression of the character is contradictory. His personality states first that he is a nice and kind person upon first meeting, and then it completely does a three-sixty and says that he is a stoic, he doesn't open up to people. He doesn't reveal his emotions, yet beforehand you stated he's nice. Stoic and nice cannot live together in the first impression stage. Also, you have quite a few typos scattered in the app. Another thing is that there are pretty much no flaws (beside being a 'stoic', which I don't count, but even with that the positive traits outweigh the negative - never a good thing with apps in general). He seems like a Mary Sue with that personality. While I'm sure the character is much better in your mind than translated on the paper (probably with a lot more traits as well), there is simply not enough, despite our minimum of one paragraph.

Your history is incredibly spare. The minimum is, I'm aware, two paragraphs, and it seems to be the very bare minimum. In fact, I'm convinced that the history is more like one and a half paragraphs, due to the sparseness of the last paragraph. Also, even with the minimum 'fulfilled', there is barely any history to even critique. Where did they come from, you have never specified. I don't think the ethnicity of the father has anything to do with the history, seeing as it's never mentioned again. He was raised on what sort of lineage, now? Also, please remember what age you have chosen for you character, and that it's nearly impossible for him to have learned all the different types of martial arts and weaponry. There's nothing in depth about his training of it, and if it were part of his character then I see nothing about it to affect him in personality. Why is it even in his history, anyways? There seems to be no point in having these skills, despite trying to over-power your character.

There also seems to be next to no effort done in your character, having a very generic history and personality. Also, this was very hard for me to read, seeing your lack of the usage of commas makes the text not flow as well as it should. And please, fix your icon.

REJECTED: I don't know why you thought condescending the personality would do anything, but it didn't help. At all. If anything, I would have preferred if the personality had been expanded. It focused on his positive traits and you just completely got rid of his negative. We would like to see a more balanced personality with both negative and positive. He seemed more one-dimensional now. The history still has barely anything at all. Unfortunately Fate had chosen to reject you.[/style]

[style=font-size: 10px; font-family: georiga; text-align: center; letter-spacing: 3px;]TEMPLATE BY SAMARECARM OF OTE + BTN[/style]

Last Edit: Oct 4, 2012 19:06:00 GMT -8 by F A T E

aalekh Guest	CIVILIAN, KASWALA, AALEKH Sept 20, 2012 15:53:26 GMT -8 Quote Select Post Deselect Post Link to Post Back to Top Post by aalekh on Sept 20, 2012 15:53:26 GMT -8 Edited, made the history longer and I condensed the personality.

Post by aalekh on Sept 18, 2012 14:52:32 GMT -8

Post by F A T E on Sept 18, 2012 16:35:33 GMT -8

Post by aalekh on Sept 20, 2012 15:53:26 GMT -8

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