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Post by KRISTEN MAYOR on Oct 30, 2013 9:09:30 GMT -8
When Neil had asked her back to his place, she wasn't entirely sure what she had been expecting.
She had agreed to go partly out of curiosity, partly because she was tired, and partly because she hadn't wanted the day to end just yet. It was a bit like Cinderella's ball, in a way; she felt like once the clock struck midnight, the magic would end and she'd have to return to reality once again. And while she knew she'd have to go back eventually, she didn't quite want to go just yet. So she'd extend the night a little longer, and hang out with Neil at his place before she really did go home. She wouldn't stay long; just an hour or so, and then she'd leave. Until then, though, she really was curious to see where her friend lived. They had made plans to move in together, after all, before they realized their dates didn't match up and they'd miss each other by a hair. Yeah, she wasn't entirely sure what she had been expecting when she walked in. Wires and computers and monitors everywhere, maybe.
But certainly not the mess she walked into.
It was- it was something, alright. She was almost positive he hadn't been living here for very long, and yet here they were, standing in the middle of what had to be a war zone. Kris was hardly a tidy person, but even she liked to keep things clean and organized, a habit she picked up from working in her dad's shop. What Neil was living in had to be at least a 7 on the disaster scale. (Okay, that was an exaggeration- all in all, it wasn't that bad, but Kris hadn't seen a room this messy in a long time.) There was crap all over the place, trash overflowing out of the bin...
"Neil..." The brunette turned to look at him, eyes wide with horror as she gestured at the collective mess before them. It looked like he hadn't picked anything up in weeks. It was so gross, and her hands were itching to at least try and make some kind of dent in it before it got any worse. Seriously, just because he was living by himself he thought he could live like this- "Why?"
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18th May 2012, 11:00 pm |
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Post by NEELANJAN MARTIN on Oct 30, 2013 22:25:06 GMT -8
All in all, Neil considered himself to be a fairly clean person.
Perhaps not neat: in fact, far from it. But his shirts were never stained and he wore a different pair of underwear every evening, which probably made him better than 90% of the computer programmer population! Which was why Kristen's reaction to his house had been slightly unexpected, and not in a bad way. Just a way that was absolutely hilarious.
"It really isn't that bad, is it?" Then again, she wasn't working in the technological industries. Ah, the naive outsider. Little did she know of the rest of his species. But still, if this was going to bother her, then it was probably best that he attempted to usher her into a cleaner part of his apartment. "I was originally planning to hang out here with you, but we could go to my room if you wanted," Neil said with a shrug. "But if you aren't comfortable with that, I could... Throw out my trash?"
Now he smiled sheepishly. He could write programs and go for long runs on the beach, but for some reason lifting a finger to throw out some rubbish was far more effort than he was willing to expend. It most definitely did have something to do with his being a computer programmer, though. He was really hoping that she would pick the room, though.
Neil really didn't want to have to move.
"It's just in that direction!" he gestured towards the sole other door.
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Post by KRISTEN MAYOR on Oct 30, 2013 22:54:15 GMT -8
Not that bad? Not that bad? "You have an ecosystem growing in your sink!" She cried, pointing at the pile of dishes she could see from here. She didn't want to go anywhere near there; she could only imagine what horrors were waiting for her in the kitchen. And she wasn't even all the way in the flat! This was so gross, sooo gross. Is this how all boys lived when they first moved out of the house? She had always thought movies had been exaggerating, but she was seriously starting to wonder if they had been telling the truth this whole time.
She took a few tentative steps forward, then made a face. To be fair, it wasn't necessarily dirty; it was just messy. Really, really messy. So messy it made her skin crawl. "If your room is any worse than what's out here, I'd rather just sit outside." She retorted, rubbing a hand across her face before glaring up at him, continuing to say, "And you should be throwing your trash out regardless, what the hell Neil!" You didn't just throw out your trash when you were expecting company, he should have been doing that anyway! Who knew what bugs had been attracted to the trash bin. Ugh, it was probably full of cockroaches, and he thought it was totally fine and okay---
"You know what? Next time I come over, I'll clean the place for you. Just for my peace of mind." She declared, stomping towards the door he had indicated with a wave of his hand. She'd clean every square inch of this damn apartment, even if it killed her. She was not going to let her best friend live like this. Surprisingly enough, however, his room wasn't that bad. Not compared to the rest of his living space, anyway. At least there were no signs of dirty dishes or half-eaten food on the floor, as far as she could see. (Thank fuck.)
Kris plopped herself down on the unmade bed without an invitation, peering around at everything curiously. Despite her initial horror, the entire place really did seem to scream 'NEIL.' It was just so... him. She snorted at the thought, before remarking cheerily, "I'm shocked, I was expecting a disaster zone in here." |
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Post by NEELANJAN MARTIN on Oct 31, 2013 21:40:41 GMT -8
The state of his kitchen sink wasn't that bad, was it? It was hardly an ecosystem. But then again, if it bothered Kristen, then he would play it up. "It's not an ecosystem, Kris," Neil teased. "It's actually an entire universe. I'm planning to discover a bunch of new species and become rich and famous. How's that for my claim to changing the world?" But he trailed behind her as she stormed towards his room, perhaps more annoyed than an unbiased third party should have rightfully been. The look on his face could only have been described as bemused.
"You're acting like a mother," he said in a sing-song voice as the two of them entered his room. Not his mother, because she would have glared at him until every inch of the room was spick and span. But a mother nevertheless. "What's the verdict on this place?" he asked, before she made her statement that she'd been expecting a total disaster zone. Neil grinned.
"Gotta keep the control center spick and span in case of an emergency on the S.S. Neil Martin, y'know." Not that it was spick and span at all, but a guy could dream, couldn't he? "Just messy enough so that it's conducive to my genius." He sat himself down next to her, lying down on the navy blue sheets. Even though he'd only been here a couple of weeks, Los Angeles and his apartment already started to feel like home. For a moment he fell silent, staring at the ceiling: and like that he remained for a good minute or two before speaking up, closing his eyes.
"Thanks for today, by the way." Neil heaved a sigh. "It was fun. Tiring, but fun."
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Post by KRISTEN MAYOR on Nov 1, 2013 6:50:20 GMT -8
"I am not." She mumbled under her breath, frowning slightly at the implication that she was acting like a mom. She could be concerned about her friend's living situation, couldn't she? If she didn't get after him to clean up after himself, no one would; his own mom certainly didn't know about any of this. The image of that bin of trash resurfaced in her mind, and she shuddered at the thought. Kris really wasn't all that squeamish when it came to bugs, but roaches absolutely freaked her out. And who knows how many were in there---
His explanation for why his room was decidedly less messy than the rest of his flat really didn't explain much of anything at all. He called this spick and span? Talk about delusional. And 'conductive to his genius?' Holy shit, her eyes were rolling so far back into her head she could see the future. She really was going to die alone surrounded by hundreds of cats. "You did not just say that out loud." She was actually trying hard not to laugh though, because that was the most ridiculous string of sentences she had heard in recent memory.
Neil laid back on his bed and didn't say anything for a while, leaving Kris to over think whether she could draw her legs up on the bed or if she'd be better of keeping them on the ground. It felt strange with him lying down and her sitting on the edge like she was going to bolt for the door at any minute, but at the same time it would probably be rude to do something like that so she'd be better off just not doing anything and- she turned her eyes on him as he finally spoke up again, which she replied with a small smile. "I had a lot of fun too." And she really had; it had been the most fun she had had at a Disney park in a long time. She hesitated for a split second, before adding, quietly, "Thank you for going with me." It had meant a lot to her that he would want to go, and especially with her, and it had just been so... nice. And she hadn't felt like she messed up, not until the end anyway, at least.
"I know what you mean though, I could pass out." She said with a yawn, gently kicking her feet against the side of the bed in an attempt to keep herself awake. "Not that I'm going to, of course." |
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Post by NEELANJAN MARTIN on Nov 1, 2013 13:33:53 GMT -8
If his mother found out that he'd left the trash out for even one day longer than he should have, Neil suspected that he would be so deep six feet under that he was saying hi to the dinosaurs. It was probably a better alternative to have Kris nag at him, which he could at least ignore on some level or at least laugh off. Neil nodded in response to her as he remained lying on the bed. It was definitely a pleasant experience to say the least: it was good to have that sense of friendship and camarederie with someone once again. Somehow, he couldn't shake the feeling that this might have been something different from what he'd felt back when he was in primary school, but then again he was ten years older, hopefully ten years wiser.
Pride came before a fall. He'd learned that, learned that hardest of all. All he could do at this stage was pick up the pieces and try to make something for himself. Just because life didn't take you on the path you wanted, didn't mean that you wouldn't get to where you wanted to be. He had to keep working. Keep trying. That was all he could do. "You're welcome," he smiled in response to Kris' statement of gratitude. He waited a moment for her to react, before adding on, "Nah, it was great. I don't think it would have been even half as fun if I hadn't had you with me."
Not "hadn't had someone with me", but "hadn't had you with me". It had to be Kris, someone who understood what it was like to be isolated, someone who knew what it was like to wear a quiet exterior but be brimming with thoughts and ideas. Just because he didn't normally talk didn't mean that he didn't have a lot to say, and it was the same for her. Still waters ran deep, didn't they? That was what his mother had always said about him. "If you passed out on my bed, I'd have to tuck you in good-night," Neil teased. "Maybe I'm the one acting like a mother now, no?"
A pause. Blue eyes fluttered open to meet hers.
"I... I'm so glad that we ended up getting along in real life."
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Post by KRISTEN MAYOR on Nov 1, 2013 14:47:44 GMT -8
His comment made her eyes widen slightly, and she had to bite the inside of her cheek to stop herself from smiling. "Glad I could be of service." She replied lightly, glad she was facing away from him so he couldn't see her expression. She was acting silly, but what he had said alone was enough to make her grin so hard her cheeks would hurt.
His next comment, however, quickly put an end to that. "I'm not going to pass out." She turned to glare at him, even as she fought off the urge to yawn. She looked about as ferocious as a puppy, but that didn't matter. No, but seriously, she wasn't going to fall asleep here; there was a long list of reasons, ranging through it'd be rude, she wasn't invited, she didn't have a change of clothes, and she hadn't fed her animals in Harvest Moon yet. Maybe some other time, like when she wasn't scared stiff about overstepping any boundaries or imposing herself on him or anything like that, because that was the last thing she wanted to do. (She really, really didn't want to mess up, more than anything else---)
There was another pause, another lull in the conversation; Kris decided she really didn't mind these at all. With anyone else, the silence would put her on edge and make her nervous, but with Neil... it wasn't awkward or heavy, it was pleasant. So when blue eyes met brown, and he broke the quiet with his words, she really couldn't help but smile this time. "Me too." She bit her lip for a moment, hesitated, then finally said, not quite meeting his gaze, "I was... really worried we wouldn't get along. Or, well, more like I'd be too..."
She let herself trail off, hands in her lap and her eyes resting on the floor rather than on her friend. She couldn't tell him the full truth- that she had nearly ran out the first time they met, simply because she had been so anxious that things wouldn't work out. That she'd lose someone she cared about after meeting him face-to-face. Of course, she knew she was wrong now, but at the time the thought had absolutely terrified her. She couldn't tell him that though- he'd think she was silly and stupid and- well, to be fair, he probably thought that already. After her ramblings and that reply she made when he called her cute, she wouldn't be all that surprised if his opinion of her had deteriorated dramatically.
(It was kind of bittersweet, really, how he thought so highly of her when she thought just the opposite.) |
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Post by NEELANJAN MARTIN on Nov 1, 2013 19:21:53 GMT -8
He was swiftly discovering that she tended to get most flustered when he egged her on a little, reacting to his every action and word. It was nice, though, to watch her get passionate over silly semantics. She was supposed to be several months older than he was, but he couldn't help but feel that in those moments, she almost became like a kid. On the other hand, he had always been precocious for his age, and had been treated like an adult from since before he could remember. It was nice, to regress once in a while.
But now was not the time for it. Now was the time for her. Neil remained silent as she began to speak, voice shaky as she stated that she was worried they wouldn't get along. She then made some reference to her. Yes, to herself, worried that she would, or wouldn't-- "Yes?" he asked as she trailed off, urging her to continue. He knew she was shy, he knew she lacked confidence. It was one of the things that set them so far apart from each other, with how much he believed in himself while she did not at all. But while she felt so lowly about herself, he only thought the world of her. He admired her silent strength, her will to carry on. Her ability to act on her desires and to promise something better for herself, and actually go out and achieve it.
It wouldn't have been a stretch for him to say that he believed in her far more than she believed in herself.
"What's wrong?" he asked, slowly sitting up. He leaned over and placed a hand on her back, hoping that it was actually reassuring. There was nothing mocking about his tone. Not this time. "You don't have to say anything if you don't want to."
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Post by KRISTEN MAYOR on Nov 1, 2013 19:59:09 GMT -8
"I..." No, she couldn't finish that sentence, couldn't finish that thought. If she said it out loud it'd be in the open and he'd know the extent of just how pathetic she really was- or at least, how pathetic she thought she was. She had been worried that she'd be too fearful and quiet and different from the girl he knew, and he wouldn't want to be friends anymore. (That she'd fuck up.) She was a mess and she knew it, and she couldn't for the life of her believe anyone would want to willingly put up with that. With her. So she grabbed for the next best thing, the next best white lie she could tell that would get her off the hook. "That I'd be too weird for you to handle." And she grinned, and to anyone who knew her it was plain as day that she was lying. It was almost as much a buy for time as anything, because the longer she could avoid answering any questions the better off everyone would be.
She felt the bed shift as he sat up from where he had been lying down, and suddenly he placed a hand on her back. To her credit, she didn't flinch, but she did freeze in place for a moment or two before she slowly relaxed. Breathe, Kristen, stop acting like an idiot. "Nothing! Nothing's wrong." She replied firmly, turning in her seat so that she could comfortably meet his gaze. "Really. I'm just- just over thinking, that's all." At least she was telling the truth when it came to that, right? That wasn't a lie; over thinking was practically her constant state of mind. She really didn't want this conversation to become about her- she didn't want to talk about herself. She didn't like talking about herself. She wasn't an attention hog, honest- the exact opposite, in fact. This was all making her increasingly more and more uncomfortable, and the sooner they found something else to talk about, the sooner she could breathe. |
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Post by NEELANJAN MARTIN on Nov 1, 2013 20:23:14 GMT -8
She was lying. It didn't take a genius to tell; she was lying, and it was obvious as day. Neil frowned as the words escaped her lips. Was it appropriate to say something? Was he going to just let this slide? Tell her, one part of him said. Tell her you're unhappy, and that you would rather be told that she doesn't trust you enough than to have this half-truth. It almost seemed hypocritical, to think like this. He was no liar himself, but he was a master of half-truths. It was why his story about supposedly taking summer classes constantly grated at him, though he had to do this for his own sake. Perhaps Kris was doing this for her own sake as well, but maybe it was high time he was completely forthright.
"If you don't want to tell me, just say so." He felt the reassuring hand on her back stiffen slightly, and he removed it, leaning backwards as his eyes met hers once again. They'd known one another for long enough that they could at least afford each other this level of honesty, right? Even if they hadn't hung out in real life all that much, he'd been talking to her for years and years. Kristen Mayor, the person who his father jokingly referred to as "his Internet friend", only now she wasn't just part of the Internet any more. She was a living, breathing being sitting in front of him, one that he actually wanted to be there for.
"It's okay to be frank with me."
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Post by KRISTEN MAYOR on Nov 1, 2013 21:23:13 GMT -8
Had she hurt him by not opening up? Had she offended him by lying? Of course she must have, who was she kidding- her heart suddenly plummeted into her stomach at the thought, and her mouth felt dry. Despite herself, she had still managed to screw up. How typical. She bit her lip as he spoke, worrying her bottom lip between her teeth. Finally, slowly, she replied, all hesitance and concern, "I don't... want you to think less of me." Her eyes flickered up to briefly meet his, before she quickly glanced away again, wringing her hands as she fixed her gaze on the floor. "I do trust you, I just-" Her voice hitched, and she paused long enough to get it under control. "... I'm afraid I'm not good enough. For... much of anything."
She didn't pause or wait for a response; instead, since this was Kristen, she began to ramble. This ramble was different from all the previous ones, though. This was a far softer, quieter ramble, a flood of words rushing to fall off her tongue before she lost the courage to speak them. Almost without thinking, she reached out a hand for his, as if seeking some kind of reassurance as she spoke, in a low tone, "At home everyone has this, this niche, you know? Like, some kids just knew their whole lives that they're going to take over the family business. And some got out of dodge the moment they graduated, and no one's heard from them since. And I... I didn't want to stay, but I didn't want to go, either." (I didn't fit into any niches.)
Though they had talked about their situations at great length, she had never quite told him all the details of her decision. Kris was timid by nature, and would never make a split decision like moving to California had been unless she had good reason. Or, at least, good reason to her. Most of what she was saying now had been weighing heavily in her mind for years. "And in Georgia, I'd look around at all the other students in my classes and wonder what the hell I was doing there, because I was nowhere near as smart or talented or gifted as any of them." A small smile twisted her lips at that; she had felt so guilty admitting to herself that maybe she shouldn't have been there. Despite the scholarships and loans, her parents had spent quite a bit to send her to school- if she told them what she had been thinking, she... didn't want to think about it. It had been easier to leave for LA without a word than it would have been to try and explain her scattered and selfish thoughts and feelings to them. Words had never been very easy for her to begin with- she couldn't imagine trying to tell them what she was now telling Neil.
There was a pause, a short interlude, before she finally continued to say, heart threatening to beat itself out of her chest, "I didn't like who I was at home and I didn't like who I was at school, so I came here hoping that maybe I could finally change that. Even though I'm... still just as scared as I've ever been." Because she really did want to like herself. She wanted to change and have some confidence and be able to look people in the eye without wanting to wither away. She wanted so badly to be better, and she figured the first step- the best step- was removing herself from the situation entirely. That was the hardest part, after all, wasn't it? |
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Post by NEELANJAN MARTIN on Nov 2, 2013 21:22:49 GMT -8
Everyone had aspects of themselves that would make others think less of them. In fact, he was so acutely aware of this fact that if Kris had told him what would make him think less of her, he probably wouldn't feel that way at all. She was talking to someone who had for the longest time believed that he was better than everyone else, after all, and still did on some level. If anything, he was the one who wondered whether she would be able to deal with not his inner demons, but his ideals, goals and very being. He wasn't sure if she would be disgusted so much as being able to deal with his train of thought.
But she had handled him so far, and that was far more than he could say about anyone else. And her lips parted and she finally began to speak, rambling about niches and goals and the idea that she wasn't as good as anyone around her, and it was all Neil could do to not stop her halfway through. No, he wanted to say, Don't say that. You're so much more than what you think you are. For her sake though, he remained silent, not speaking until she was finished and looking completely terrified. And then he responded.
"It's okay."
He paused for a moment, allowing the gravity of his words to sink in. Had he said it was okay? That uncertainty was okay? Wasn't that somewhat hypocritical, especially when he had prided himself on stability and knowing what he wanted all his life? But at the same time, the more he thought about it, the more it made sense to even him. She was twenty. It was all right to not know what she wanted. To be actually actively conducting that search. On the other hand, he who had always known seemed to be stuck in some sort of rut, the realization that he might not have been good enough for himself. So he looked her in the eye, tone dead serious for once.
"Kris, you have an incredible talent. You just need to look for it, and it'll be what makes you happy."
Oh god. Had that sounded ridiculous? Now, for the first time, he flushed. What was she going to say to that? Would that be remotely comforting? Without thinking, he found that he had placed his hand on her shoulder once more, pulling in closer to her.
"I guess that's why we're here. To find ourselves together, I suppose."
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Post by KRISTEN MAYOR on Nov 2, 2013 23:55:35 GMT -8
Kris had a knot of conflicting feelings jammed in her throat as she waited for his response; she was worried sick about what he was going to say, but also so relieved she had finally said it. It was like a weight off her shoulders, though already she was starting to have her doubts about saying anything to begin with. What if she had said too much, what if she was worried over nothing, what if she had sounded like she was whining- oh no, that's exactly what she had done, hadn't she? She had just whined at him, and he must think she was so, so dense, and stupid, and, god, did she wish she could go back in time and stop herself now, because regret was quickly building up in the pit of her stomach and-
It's okay.
It was funny how those two small words had such an effect on her. Her whirlwind of thoughts stopped instantly, and she finally managed to meet his eyes. His tone was serious as he spoke, trying to make her feel better. And it worked- what made her happy. Right. Easier said than done, but then again, no one had said that this was going to be easy- wait a minute, was he actually blushing? It distracted her so much from their conversation, she nearly laughed. Thankfully Kris stopped herself in time, but she couldn't get over it. Wasn't that supposed to be her thing? She ducked her head in an attempt to hide a tiny smile, but he had probably seen it. Crap, hopefully he didn't think she was laughing at what he was saying. "I guess..." She trailed off, reaching up to tug at a lock of her hair as she let a small, faint sigh escape her lips. Yeah, way easier said than done, but she'd give it a shot.
Ordinarily, she might have teased him for sounding so hokey, but he was being sincere and that was more than she could ask for. Besides, it was true, and boy did it sound like a bad coming of age story. It was all their's though, so they might as well make the best of it. She shifted slightly closer to him, smiling as she remarked, "Well, yeah. I wouldn't fly across the country for just anyone, y'know." She could have gone anywhere to try and find a version of herself she liked, but instead she made plans to meet him in California. If that didn't say something about how highly she held their friendship, she doubted anything possibly could. Not for the first time, it hit her just how impossibly lucky she actually was.
And for the second time since the first time they met, she suddenly closed the distance between them and pulled him into a tight hug. "Thank you." She mumbled; 'thank you' didn't even begin to cover how grateful she was that he hadn't dismissed her fears or the relief she felt having finally said it all. She hadn't told anyone any of that before- she had probably let small slips out in their conversations online, but never the full story. Never the whole thing. She smiled rather sheepishly as she continued, "And sorry for- for all of that." Because she really had kind of gone off on a tangent, and she felt guilty about making Neil sit through that. |
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Post by NEELANJAN MARTIN on Nov 3, 2013 23:02:09 GMT -8
But wasn't everyone entitled to their own bad coming of age story? There was always a hurdle to vault, a line to cross, and he had been foolish for thinking that he would pass through life difficulty-free. He hadn't gotten into his first choice university, and was going to spend the next three years being bored to death if he didn't do something about it. She had no idea where she was going or what she wanted to do. Nothing terribly harrowing, not from either of them at least, but struggles nonetheless. "Don't be so hard on yourself," he found himself saying. It was true, though. Much as there were people out there who would feel worse and be kicked harder than either of them, it didn't make what they were going through any less valid. The smile on her face as he flushed didn't go unnoticed, so of course his reaction was going to be to not say much more about it.
Besides, this wasn't about him. It was for her. This moment was hers and hers alone. So when she turned around and stated that she wouldn't have flown across the country for anyone, he couldn't help but smile back at her, the normally wide grin so bright at this stage that it felt like his face was going to burst. "Aww. Gee, thanks," he said with a wink. "I guess you're all right as well." Wait, had he destroyed the moment? No, words, come back. I need you to get back into my mouth so you don't sound so stupid. The uncertainty that he only faced at work seemed to have returned with full force, and he didn't know why or how. Luckily, she broke the silence, wrapping a hand around him and pulling him into a hug.
Oh dear. She probably remembered, but he wasn't that good at hugs. Why did it matter so much more this time round, though? What was he even thinking? The thought that he might have more than platonic feelings for her briefly crossed his mind, but he shut it away. No, this didn't make sense. He hadn't spent enough time with her just yet. But the thought that this could be a possibility in the future lingered, and with that, Neil wrapped his arms around her as well, hoping to emulate the strength and spirit of her hug with his own.
"Don't apologize," he said, still embracing her tightly. "It's perfectly okay to feel like this. Sometimes--" and he hesitated, "Sometimes, I do feel like that too."
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Post by KRISTEN MAYOR on Nov 4, 2013 12:12:50 GMT -8
Yeah, that grin was bright enough to leave sun spots in her eyes. "Could be worse," she replied jokingly in return, nudging her shoulder against his with a teasing smile. Of course he hadn't meant it like that- if he had, he wouldn't have hopped on a plane over the Pacific just to meet her here. Honestly, she was probably worse than him in terms of regretting the things that she said. Nine times out of ten she ended up saying the wrong thing and making herself look like an idiot, and then there were all the times she started rambling... in the end, what he had said was no where near destroying the moment or anything like that. It wasn't like she'd hold it against him if he had, anyway.
And by the way, yes, she remembered that he wasn't so good with hugs. She had simply ignored it. Hugs were great, they made you feel at least 70% better than you had felt pre-hug. It was a scientific fact, so Neil was just going to have to get over it. (No, really, there was a lot of scientific data supporting the benefit of hugs. True facts.) Practice makes perfect, so Kris was just going to have to hug him more, right? Unless hugging actually did the opposite for him and he didn't like it and it made him uncomfortable which in that case---
Oh never mind, he was hugging her back, carry on.
But for half a second, she couldn't quite believe what he was saying. He had to just be saying that to make her feel better, right? There was no way someone as confident and sure of himself as Neil could feel like he couldn't do anything right- but then again, he wouldn't tell her that unless it was true. She trusted him enough not to say things just to coddle her, and he knew her well enough not to do that. So even people who acted like they could take over the world had their downer moments. Who knew? Then again, it was kind of ridiculous to think people didn't fluctuate between trains of thought and feelings just because they acted a certain way. She felt so alienated around most people, she tended to forget they really weren't all that different from her. It was definitely something for her to keep in mind, though she'd still prefer dogs and cats any day. Animals just tended to make more sense to her.
So she nodded, hesitated, then asked, "You'll tell me when you do feel that way though, right?" She waited for his reply, not entirely sure what to expect. She didn't want him to feel like he couldn't talk to her about these things- that he couldn't trust her when he wasn't feeling like his usual self. She wanted to help, but she couldn't do that if he was smiling his usual megawatt smile and saying that everything was fine and dandy. It wasn't right for him to take the brunt of her emotional vomit and then for him to keep silent. That wasn't how it worked. |
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Post by NEELANJAN MARTIN on Nov 4, 2013 21:09:51 GMT -8
Confident? Sure of himself? Maybe, if you had asked him a year and a half ago. Back then he would never have admitted it out loud, but he was used to being the smartest person in the room, the most likely to rise above the rest. He'd been voted "Most Likely to Succeed" in his class, and couldn't help but wonder whether he'd disappointed the people around him every now and then. Not that he would have cared about what they thought of him back in the day-- no, who was he kidding, of course he had. He wanted them to think of him as pleasant at least, of someone who was not to be disliked, simply for the sake of getting through high school. And though he was loath to admit it to himself even now, he had enjoyed being lauded as intelligent. It had been his defining trait after all, the fact that he was naturally talented, that he picked up on facts and numbers far faster than everyone else. It was why he'd never learned to achieve anything through hard work: he'd relied on pure talent to cruise him through.
"Everyone feels like that from time to time. I don't think you're the only one," he said, arms still wrapped around her, head resting on the other's shoulder. He wondered whether this hug was lingering for too long, far too long to be platonic, but why did it matter? He wasn't going to stick a label on their relationship just yet. After all, he barely even knew what friendship was. Though he knew for a fact that this was what friends did.
They stuck by each other.
It was why she was asking him whether he would tell her when he felt that way. It was normal. He wanted to be there for her, and as a result she would want to be there for him as well. Simple as that. But how was he supposed to say no? Perhaps it was with the knowledge that Kris couldn't see his facial expression, but his eyes widened a little when she spoke. Now it was his turn to wonder: how was he going to tell her no? How was he going to say that he preferred to deal with these matters alone, that he really didn't need someone? So he phrased it in a way that was safe.
"I trust you."
That wasn't a lie. Of course he did. It was then when he was hit with a sharp realization: he would probably talk about how he felt, if it meant something to her. It wouldn't mean much to him, but if it was how people were supposed to express friendship or something more maybe he would give that a chance. (Maybe, perhaps.)
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Post by KRISTEN MAYOR on Nov 4, 2013 21:57:15 GMT -8
Kris was hardly the sharpest tack in the box, but she did notice that he dodged answering her question. It was as good as a 'no' as she was going to get, but at least he trusted her- that was something, right? But how much could he possibly trust her if he didn't even want to talk his bullshit out? That's what friends were for! It... kind of stung a little, but that was okay. Boys and their stupid dumb egos, geeze. Instead she replied, all sing-song and cheer, "Yeah, you're pretty alright yourself." It was her own soft jab back at him, in a way. She wasn't about to call him out on avoiding the question, but she wasn't about to let him get away with it, either. Neil was smart- he'd figure it out that she had figured it out.
She could be bullheaded stubborn when she wanted to be; he'd just have to learn that the hard way.
And as much as she could preach on and on about how great hugs were, there was an extent to just how much close physical contact she was willing to put up with. And while this hug had been all butterflies and rainbows, she needed to breathe, thank you Mr. Martin. It was kind of cute, if she was going to be honest with herself, but still. The beauty of breathing space was something to be appreciated, like a work of art you couldn't see. So with that thought in mind, Kris poked him a couple of times in the side, before wriggling her way out of his arms with a laugh. "I don't know about you, but all that wore me out more than Disney Land." She flopped back on a pillow, letting out a sigh as she grinned up at him.
It was true; the day was finally catching up with her. Between the theme park and that little outburst from earlier, she was actually pretty exhausted. She knew she really shouldn't be making herself comfortable on the very comfy pillow on the very comfy bed, but it felt so nice and it wasn't like she was going to fall asleep there. No way, she had said she wasn't going to pass out here and that was a promise she planned to keep! But still, she could just rest for a bit, right? She'd call a cab soon, she really would, but she didn't want to go home. Not just yet. |
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Post by NEELANJAN MARTIN on Nov 5, 2013 20:53:59 GMT -8
It wasn't a matter of trust that he wouldn't talk about himself. No, it was a matter of the fact that he'd dealt with himself alone for so long that he didn't feel like he needed anyone else. It had taken him years to actually find someone who he considered a friend. But he couldn't explain that, not here, not now, not especially after she laughed and changed her tone, jeering that he was all right. The moment had passed, and he had killed it. It seemed apt that she pulled away from him at the same moment.
There was no sense in dwelling on it, though. No sense making himself feel bad. Besides, there was more to explore, and they had more time to think and talk about their emotions. If he ever would, anyway: now that was something only time would tell. But right now he had a friend to deal with, someone who looked like she was just about to fall asleep. He decided that he wasn't going to call her out as she flopped onto his pillow. No, if she fell asleep next to him, he would say nothing more just so he could prove she was wrong the next morning and their minds weren't clouded by the mist of lethargy. Somehow, he didn't mind the thought of sleeping together, just sleeping: not even in the indecent way. No, nothing indecent about it, not at all, but it would be nice to be in close proximity with Kris for a long while, to just spend time together in silence, with each other.
"It was a long day, wasn't it?" Neil smiled. He hadn't changed into his sleeping wear yet, and neither had Kris, but he didn't want to distract her. It was probably a little selfish of him, but he wanted to spend some more time together, even if they weren't going to be talking. He wondered whether it would be okay to sleep on the same bed with her. Would it? Neil would figure that out later, though. For the moment, he would keep her company until she fell asleep. The dark-haired male smiled as he lay on top of his sheet. "We should do something like that again sometime soon. Maybe not Disney, but something else."
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Post by KRISTEN MAYOR on Nov 6, 2013 11:17:34 GMT -8
"Really long." She agreed with a yawn, before sitting back up again. No, she wasn't going to fall asleep. She was getting dangerously close to passing out though, she needed to find something to do or she really would fall asleep right then and there. Kris bit her lip hard in an attempt to wake herself up; it worked for the most part, so she asked, "Six Flags?" It was the only one she could think of off the top of her head- were there any other theme parks in California? She didn't have the slightest idea. Obviously, this required more research. Though she was seriously going to have to save up her money if they were going to make this a regular thing; just going to Disney alone was expensive enough, but another park on top of that was seriously going to kill her wallet.
She didn't say anything for a while, letting silence fall over the pair. She nearly dozed off before jerking awake again, rubbing her eyes blearily. No falling asleep, no falling asleep. This was actually getting a little ridiculous, she should just call it quits and leave already. But it was so nice... just a little longer, and then she'd go home. She bit her lip once more, then softly remarked, eyes trained on the foot of the bed, "I really am sorry about all that." As relieved and elated as she felt about finally revealing just how absolutely terrified she was, Kris still couldn't shake the feeling she had done something wrong by talking about it. You were supposed to keep a stiff upper lip and stay stoic and quiet and not admit to any weaknesses- and she had just rambled about her own internalized anxieties like there was no tomorrow. The guilt was still there, and she wasn't sure if Neil reassuring her that it was okay would make it worse or not. He had said it was, and had told her not to apologize, but she felt the need to say it again. Her eyes fluttered shut again, though this time it was waiting for a reply rather than out of need for sleep. |
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Post by NEELANJAN MARTIN on Nov 6, 2013 12:12:08 GMT -8
"That would work," Neil smiled. He hadn't been thinking of anything in particular, but the idea of Six Flags sounded nice. But he'd been thinking along the lines of... Actually, he wasn't really sure what he'd been thinking of at all. Of just spending more time with her, to be together and enjoy each others' company, to just be with her, even if they said no words. Was he thinking too much, putting far too much weight on the relationship they shared? Was he idealizing everything just because this was the first friendship he had had in years? Or was this just swirling with the confusion about what his feelings really were? Perhaps, perhaps not. Either way, it was getting late. He glanced over at his friend, whose eyes were shut as she spoke to him.
Yeah, she was definitely close to falling asleep. It wouldn't be wrong to leave her here, would it? It would be okay to allow her to lie next to him, just so he could tease her in the morning? Maybe it would be a good idea for him to sleep on the floor. But his eyes felt heavy as well, and he found himself closing them, telling himself that this would only be for a moment. Then he would go and get changed, and then either get into his sheets or make a makeshift bed on the floor. Then Kris spoke once more, and he shook his head, shaking himself back into consciousness.
"Don't be sorry."
There was nothing to be sorry for. No reason to apologize. Why would she hold herself in such low esteem that she felt like her feelings weren't valid, that there was something wrong with talking about them? He was different in that he didn't feel a need to do it, but if she wished to share he wasn't going to fault her for doing so. "Really, you don't have a reason to be." His eyes were shut once again, but he managed to smile. Maybe it would be okay to just drift off into sleep with her.
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