fuck the popo [knight]

Kids these days, with their media references and Internet memes. Why, back in her day- okay, just kidding. Julie was almost as bad as Cal. But still, she could show a little scorn at the words her best friend just dared to utter. She leaned back in her seat and crossed her arms, asking in a disbelieving tone, "Did you really just say that out loud? You really did." Honestly, the nerve of some people. (Julie didn't actually mind or care- oh, come on, you should really know to read between the lines with her already.) She shook her head and sighed. "I can't believe you. You're the worst." And let's be honest with ourselves here: she was absolutely right about the latter statement.

At his proclamation of her sainthood and his undying love for her, however, she immediately brightened, a dazzling smile spreading across her lips. "I know~" Except she was anything but a saint, but details!

But once their food arrived, for once the pair fell silent, except for the clatter of utensils and Cal's muttering. Julie never thought she'd meet someone who loved eating as much as she did, and then she met Cal in real life and it was like an angel had been sent down from the heavens. Except Cal wasn't exactly an angel- anymore than she was a saint. But the first time they hung out together, and Cal ate just as much as she did? Oh yes, she knew right then and there that they were going to be best friends for life. She loved Colin, don't get her wrong, but he just didn't appreciate food the same way she and Cal did.

(Back at the apartment, the popo let out a tremendous sneeze.)

Julie glanced up at Cal as he began to speak in a low, conspiring whisper, her mouth full of chocolate chip pancakes as she raised her eyebrows at him. She started to say something, but then their waiter returned to their table with her new cup of coffee. Shooting him a chocolate stained smile, she waited until he had walked away, before leaning in herself, green eyes intense as she stage whispered, "I agree, this is quite the predicament. These pancakes are way too good, and this place is way too conveniently close to my apartment." She frowned, chewing the inside of her cheek as she mulled over this new dilemma. "We could just cause a scene and leave voluntarily?" She shrugged, then popped another piece of pancake into her mouth, chewing happily as she let out a content sigh. Yeah, they were going to have to rethink this.

She shrugged in reply, since her mouth was too stuffed full of pancakes to make a comment. It wasn't like this was an earth-shattering development; they had just come to the realization they didn't want to get kicked out of this particular restaurant. Although, it was weird that the food could be so good that it'd sway their decision. Or maybe it was simply because she was running on so little energy at the moment, just about anything would taste like it was prepared by a team of first rate chefs. Whatever the case may be, they had both come to the conclusion that they couldn't get kicked out of here.

Grabbing her mug of coffee, she took a sip of the drink to clear her throat as Cal continued talking, going on about disguises? What. Finally, she replied, her eyes glinting with mischief, "We should sing Wonderwall on our way out. At the top of our lungs. It's only right." Wonderwall was the song that had been playing over the speakers the first time they had been kicked out of a store together. It had a very special place in their hearts, right next to food. It helped that it was a genuinely good song, and really catchy and easy to remember.

Their second portion of pancakes arrived, adding to the number of dishes on the table. Julie could tell from the look on the waiter's face that he couldn't believe that they were really going to eat all of this. "Thank you!" She called after him in a false sweet tone, absentmindedly spearing another piece of pancake on her fork. It was hard, having a bottomless pit for a stomach. It was hard, and nobody understood. Except Cal, anyway. It really was a good thing she had him-

Suddenly, a thought hit Julie like a ton of bricks, and instantly she slammed her hands down on the table, sending the plates and coffee clattering. "CAL." She nearly shouted, despite the blond sitting just across the table from her. She stared at him wide-eyed, having only just now remembered what it was that she had been wanting to tell him all day. "How could I forget? I can't believe I forgot, what the hell is wrong with me." She half-mumbled under her breath, rubbing her face with her hands. Oh man, maybe she really was too tired. Still, there was a story to be told, and she glanced back up at her friend.

"Okay, so get this," she began, folding her hands neatly on the table in front of her, meeting Cal's eyes with her own. "Colin and I went to Ikea today to get some furniture right? Well while we were there- I'm not making this up, by the way, this is totally and completely 100% legit-" She added quickly, her face a serious mask as she continued talking, "A freaking huge ass monkey appeared out of nowhere, followed us around the store, then smashed our phones and ran away. And it was wearing a coat!" She chewed away on another slice of pancake, waiting for Cal's reaction before saying, "And I've got proof, y'know. I took a picture of it and uploaded it to Instagram before it ruined my phone."

Julie couldn't help it; she quirked a smile at Cal's reaction, the way his jaw dropped and he fumbled for his phone to check if her story was true. She munched on a few more bites of pancake as she waited for him to stop accusing her of forgery. Finally, she retorted, "I'm serious, it really happened. Why would I smash my phone just to trick you?" It had been a perfectly good phone, and after moving in together, Julie really didn't have that kind of money to throw around for a new one. Thankfully both she and Colin had protection plans for their phones, so they could get replacements fairly easily, but still.

"That stupid piece of shit monkey." She mumbled under her breath, before suddenly continuing, saying, "It pulled out some of my hair too, can you believe it? I really don't want to get pissed, since it's a monkey, it doesn't know any better, right? But GOD, I hate that thing so much. Do you know what kind of damage it could have done? Or what kind of damage it has done?" She angrily speared some more pancake on her fork and began to chew like she had a personal vendetta against breakfast foods. She took a lot of pride in her appearance, thank you very much, and she didn't need some monkey pulling out her hair just because it thought it was shiny. "And then the popo laughed at me like it was funny or something. Why do I even bother with him?" She asked with an exasperated sigh, waving her fork around as she spoke before shoveling another piece of pancake into her mouth.

She glared down at her plate of pancakes for a moment or two, before finally glancing up at Cal with her usual cheery grin in place. "So long story short, I officially hate monkeys forever now. Dumb shit monkey." She muttered darkly, before popping yet another slice of pancake in her mouth. She was almost done now, she found to her amazement; she hadn't even noticed she had eaten so much until she was down to just one or two pancakes. "So, anything fun happen to you today?" She asked nonchalantly, taking a long sip of her coffee as she waggled her eyebrows at him. They'd be making their grand escape soon, and she didn't want to leave any of her drink behind. She had given the poor waiter such a hard time, it was the least she could do!

"Man, I don't want to die because of a monkey attack." If she sounded like she was whining, it was probably because she was; death and dying were all very serious matters to take into consideration, thank you very much. She had thought about her own death numerous times, and had come to the conclusion anything short of awesome and explosive just wasn't acceptable. (Although, to be fair, recently she had started to think more and more that she'd maybe like to grow old with a certain someone instead. Don't tell anyone though, that's a secret!) "I want to die from like, an alien invasion, not because some dumb monkey decided to put on a coat and waltz through a furniture store." Aliens sounded way better than monkeys any day.

Julie grinned at the blond sitting across from her as she ate another bite of pancake, before tossing her long locks in the same way a movie star would. "Dirty peasants aren't allowed to so much as glance at my hair, thank you very much." Ohhh thank god Colin wasn't around to hear that. He would have had a field day with rubbing in the fact she had as good as admitted that she was a princess. She laughed at herself, as she continued to say, the corner of her mouth tilted in a small grin, "And I don't want anything to do with the popo. He hurt my feelings." It was such an obvious lie, anyone could see that.

She was finishing off her last pancake as he told her about his day, nodding sagely as he mentioned cutting up vampires. Yes yes, very dramatic, very scary, ooh, she had goosebumps just thinking about it. Or was that just because it was cold in here? No sir, it was because she was terrified of cardboard Robert Pattinson coming to life and turning her into a vampire. "Kind of wish they had had a Justin Bieber cutout instead, you probably could have gotten away with him. And then you could have brought him to, umm-" She vaguely gestured at their table of empty plates and half-full cups of coffee with her fork, "Breakfast with us."

At the mention of the word 'check,' Julie reached for her bag... before realizing she had forgotten it in Cal's car. She stared rather stupidly at the spot on the floor where it should have been, a slight flush spreading across her cheeks. Well, it had been a long day, it was understandable that she'd be doing some pretty silly things. Especially given that it was probably nearing 4 a.m. now, and lord knows how many hours of sleep she had gotten the night before. She sighed and rubbed a hand across her face, before turning back to face Cal- and finding that he had already placed his debit card on the table, and saying some nonsense about a friendship tab. As much as her pride might have stung, she couldn't help but smile, nodding weakly as she replied, "Okay okay, but next time I'm definitely paying." The waiter whisked Cal's card away, and she leaned forward, a hand covering her mouth from any lip readers as she stage whispered, "When he comes back, we make our move, got it Sugar Spankhiney?"

She nodded slowly, a solemn expression on her face, like this was the most important mission she's ever been tasked with in her entire life. But it was the most important mission she's ever been tasked with in her entire life. This shit was serious business, and it had to be taken seriously. Their lives were on the line, they could be shot dead at any moment, they could be carted off to jail with no hope of ever getting out, so of course she was going to take this seriously! She spared their waiter a quick glance and a raised eyebrow, as he approached their table with debit card in hand.

It took all her self control not to burst into giggles right then and there.

Cal began counting down, and Julie prepared herself for the worst. This was it. The final countdown. Okay, seriously, they were just going to make asses out of themselves for the sake of fun. And boy oh boy, was she glad she knew one Callum Snow, because she couldn't think of a single sane person in the world who would do something this ridiculous with her. Unless she threatened them, but that just wasn't the same. Anyway-

This was it.

The moment of truth.

Her B-F-F counted down to one, and instantly began the karaoke sing-along song with a strong opening, leaving the other restaurant patrons staring. Julie grinned as she pushed herself to her feet as well. The waiter glanced at her in disbelief, as if he couldn't believe she was going along with this stupidity. She grinned at him; after the way the two had entered the IHOP, he really should have known better.

She immediately picked up where Cal left off in the song, singing the next verse of lyrics at the top of her voice. "BACKBEAT, THE WORD WAS ON THE STREET THAT THE FIRE IN YOUR HEART IS OUT!" She was trying to keep a straight face, but it was clear from the expression on her face that she was trying hard not to laugh. (Please note: Julie can't sing. At all. Please also note: she knows.) She met the waiter's eyes as she sang the next line of lyrics, green eyes sparkling with mischief as she continued. "I'M SURE, YOU'VE HEARD IT ALL BEFORE, BUT YOU NEVER REALLY HAD A DOUBT!"

Everyone in the restaurant was staring now, and Julie grinned all the wider. Really, could you ask for a more perfect 4 a.m. breakfast? She certainly couldn't. With an almost dainty step she stood in front of the poor waiter, grabbing both his hands in her's. "I DON'T BELIEVE, THAT ANYBODY, FEELS THE WAY I DO, ABOUT YOU NOOOW~!" The man really did look like he was about to piss his pants. Woopsies. She glanced over her shoulder at Cal; the chorus was coming up soon, after all, and they needed to time this perfectly!

Aaand it was time for the grand finale!

Well, it wasn't so much a grand finale as it was a grand escape, since they really needed to book it right about now. Generally speaking, when they did their song and dance they didn't have too much time before calls were made and guards showed up. Never a pretty sight.

As they approached the chorus, Julie enthusiastically shook the waiter's hands up and down, up and down, before ditching him in order to follow Cal to the door. Picking up where he left off, she continued, "BECAUSE MAYBEEEEE, YOU'RE GONNA BE THE ONE THAT SAVES MEEEEEEEE!" Ah, yes, the bewildered stares of their fellow patrons were what she lived for. Who didn't wake up in the morning and think, 'I want to sing Wonderwall in IHOP at 3 a.m. with my best friend'?

She skipped after Cal and linked her arm through his, as she sang, with a wild wave of her other hand to their audience, "AND AFTER AAAAAAAAAALL, YOU'RE MY WONDERWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaaaaAAAAAAAAAAAAALL!" And with one final bow, the curtain fell on this performance, and the two made a mad dash out the doors and back into the night.

Julie was breathless with laughter by the time they reached Cal's car. With a grin, she bumped her fist against his, before opening the door to the passenger side and sliding in. "Mission accomplished, Spankhiney! Back to base, on the double!"

It was time for part two of their mission this evening: serenading the whale.